A colleague sent me this quote the other day:
"No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back."
--Turkish proverb
Like a lot of proverbs, it captures a universal truth: it's hard to admit you've made a mistake, but it's always better than trying to brazen it out. The wrong road won't somehow magically turn out to be the right road just because you're too embarrassed or bull-headed to acknowledge that you're heading in the wrong direction. And assuring everyone around you that it's really-truly-the-right-road-just-wait-and-see isn't going to help, either.
A number of years ago, I saw this played out on the corporate stage. We were working with a company where the CEO
had brought in a marketing team that she was really committed to - they were her first big hire, and she was convinced they would be great for her business. As time went by, it became clearer and clearer that they weren't. They didn't have a good feel for the brand, they were terrible managers, they had alienated nearly all of their peers on the senior team. And ultimately, it turned out that they had been - at best - irresponsible with company funds. Throughout, the CEO continued to support them, and to refuse to listen to any negative feedback about them. She kept assuring everyone that that they were misunderstood geniuses, and implied to the other members of the team that it was their fault they couldn't get along with these guys.
The sad ending of the story is that she ended up losing her job, as did they. The wrong road was the wrong road.
And I think she actually knew in her heart of hearts that she should cut her losses and let them go; swallow her pride, go through the pain and disruption of finding a replacement. But the further she went down that road, the harder it would have been to acknowledge the need to turn around.
I don't think any of us are immune to this. For instance, I stayed in a marriage that had clearly become unhappy for both of us for far too long, hoping that we would somehow - presto-change-o - become different people and miraculously want different things from life than we actually did. And I've certainly stayed committed to employees or to endeavors way past the obvious need to reverse course. Everyone I know has some similar stories in their life.
So, how does one 1) recognize when it's time to turn around, and 2) do it?
If you've been a reader of this blog for long, you've heard me talk about "becoming a fair witness." If not, here's another post where I explain it in depth. Basically, it means to listen to your self-talk (your mental monologue) to see whether it's neutral and objective, and - if not - then question (and alter) what you're saying to yourself to make it more neutral and objective. When you're talking to yourself about a situation in a more accurate way, you're much more likely to be able to make a proper decision about how to proceed.
For instance, if my CEO client had listened to her self-talk, she might have noticed that she was pretty consistently defending her marketing guys inside her head, saying things to herself like, "Nobody understands what they bring to the party -- they're creatives, of course they're not going to make everyone happy, or worry about deadlines..." Once she became aware of that self-talk, she could question and change it: "Wait a minute, I'm making a lot of excuses for them. Maybe I should get curious about what everyone else is telling me. And maybe I should observe them without assuming that everything they do is OK." Then she'd have a much better chance of realizing just how wrong her road was, and how deeply she needed to turn around.
And if the process of seeing and admitting your mistakes seems daunting - just think how much easier, simpler, and more productive your life could be without so much time spent wandering down unhelpful paths. Remember that once you get back to the crossroads, and start down the right path, it's a great feeling...
