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10 Commitments Of People Achieving Successful Work-Life Integration

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Today, there is so much discussion about women not being able to have it all (at the same time), and that “work-life balance” is not possible, but “work-life integration” is the new norm.  I have to say that working with hundreds of highly successful women each year, and forging my own way through integrating life and work, I see where this argument is going and the points it makes, but I’m not in agreement with the belief that we can’t have it all.  In fact, I feel it’s a damaging and negative assertion to put forward.  And "balance" doesn't have to mean that you are spending equal time with work and with family (which is increasingly hard to do). To me, "balance" means you are a balanced, whole and healthy individual, with balanced, whole and healthy goals.

Each year in my coaching practice, I see hundreds of professionals doing amazing things in the world, making a positive impact, building careers of significance, and balancing their work endeavors with their families and other responsibilities and passions.  Despite the level of responsibility in their roles, these individuals make sure that their work doesn't suck them dry or totally consume them.  They are skilled at protecting their boundaries around their family life, and while it is a constant balancing act, they’ve become adept at it.  And they are having it all, on their terms.

The critical question is how you define “having it all.” If you look at one job or one role as “having made it,” but that one role is too demanding in your life, then it will feel as if you absolutely can’t have it all.

Many women don’t look at their careers with a lens that paves the way for balance or wholeness.  They do it in a way that makes them feel inferior, inept and overwhelmed.  They compare themselves to other women (and to men who have wives at home), and put themselves down.  Their unrealistic, and often perfectionistic views lead them to think that everything they want must happen right now, this year. (I'm not judging - this describes me years ago.)

If you think that having it all means working 24/7 to build your business or career while also being engaged full-time in parenting, then no…of course, you can’t have it all at one time.  On the other hand, if you can think of having it all as building a life of significance – planting the seeds for your future visions and future self – honoring what matters to you, while also being present, involved and engaged with your family and friends (and outside life) in ways that are gratifying and fulfilling, then you can have it all.

For that to occur, you have to change the way you’re looking at your life and your career, and the daily decisions and commitments you make.  You need to understand clearly what you want to create in life, and what you can tolerate giving up for that.  And you need to know what’s essential for you so that you won’t have any regrets twenty years down the line.  (I knew, for instance, that I desperately wanted to be in the fabric of my two children’s lives, and I would not allow myself to blow that.)

To integrate life and work successfully, you need to make 10 clear commitments that will help you:

-  Honor what you’re made of and what you want over the long arch of your life and career

-  Make the impact you long to in your life, career, and with your family

-  Stand up and speak up for what you need and want each and every day

-  Make the tough decisions that pave the way for long-term success

If you want a happy life beyond the professional work you do, you have to fiercely commit to it, and that’s where so many women and men fall down.  It’s critical to make career decisions that honor both types of priorities – work and family (or work and your other passions). For example, if your current job doesn’t allow you any breathing space, any time to be available or present for your family, any time to rest yourself and restore, any time to focus on life other than work, than it’s the wrong situation for you. End of story.  There isn’t just one job or one way to run your business – there are scores of different ways to build your career successfully.

At this stage in my life, I look back and see now how I tried to achieve the impossible and how it broke me.  Fifteen years ago, I lived an exhausted, depressed and overwhelmed life and simply couldn’t figure out what I wanted, let alone navigate through the challenges of it.  I had a big corporate VP role, and young children I loved so much. I commuted to a different state from where I lived each day, and felt as if I was letting everyone and everything down, particularly myself.  I was sick, exhausted, unhappy at work, and spent at home.

Now I see exactly how I approached it in a way that was doomed to fail.  I thought this one corporate VP role – or something just like it – was the only way I could have the success and money I wanted.  Turns out, it was the opposite of what I really wanted.  Fifteen years later, I see that having my own business and running my own show (and making an impact that matters to me) is what true success is for me.

I hated being on someone else time clock, having no control over my schedule, and answering to others (many of whom I didn’t respect). I hated doing meaningless work that drained me of all my life energy. And I’m not alone.  So many people are fed up with the traditional competitive career model that continues to define corporate America.  Research shows that by end of this decade, one half of the working population will embrace career independence  or solopreneurship.  But when you’re locked inside one, limited vision (for instance, that you have to keep slogging through one particular crushing corporate job to get ahead), you can’t see out of it.

I see now that if we’re to balance (or integrate – whatever term you like to use) work with our other responsibilities and passions, we need to make 10 critical commitments that make it possible, and these commitments aren’t for the faint of heart.  They require a large dose of focus, commitment, energy and courage.  And they require a deep understanding that your priorities and life focus will shift and morph over time.  I guarantee you that at 55, you will not want the same things you do at 25.  But you need to determine what’s important now and contemplate what you believe will be critical later, and plan effectively for both.

Successful work-life integration requires a new look at the work you’re doing today, to ensure the “form” of the work you do fits with the process of how you want your life to unfold.  Only then, will it feel like the time you’re spending away from your family or your other passions is truly worth it.

The top 10 commitments of people who are balancing life and work well, and integrating all that matters to them in a way that brings fulfillment and satisfaction are:

1. I’m committed to building a powerful, protective boundary around myself, my life and my priorities.

2. I’m committed to making change in my life and career when it isn’t working, and not remaining in denial about it.

3. I’m committed to be fully present, alive and engaged in all that I do (if I can’t, I’ll modify my life).

4. I’m committed to restoring and nurturing my health and well-being, because I matter.

5. I’m committed to letting go of (and moving away) from the people and things that drag me down and keep me sick, stuck and small.

6. I’m committed to seeing life as a continuum, with priorities that will change over time.

7. I’m committed to building a powerful support community who are happy to help me when I need it, and who wholeheartedly support my goals and priorities.

8. I’m committed to loving myself, and accepting when I’m not perfect (and that I am not perfect)

9. I’m committed to identifying and pursuing what I have to do NOW in my life to be happy and regret- free.

10. I’m committed to leaving an impactful legacy behind, and planting the seeds for that legacy all along the way.

And one final agreement they make to themselves: They say, “I can have what I want, both through work and outside of work, because I’m smart, open, and realistic about my goals.  I know what I need now, and what I want later, and I don’t have to compromise, settle, or diminish who I am to build the life I want.”

What do you think?  Can you have it all in a way that will enliven (not drown) you? Do you adhere to these 10 commitments?

To build a happier, more rewarding career, visit kathycaprino.com.