(This series is based on the teachings of Robert Betz. Step 1: Take Responsibility, Step 2: Say 'Yes' To Everything That Is)
Step 3: Realize that your judgements were based on wrong assumptions. Stop judging yourself and others and forgive!
Why?
Firstly, on a practical level it frees up a lot of time and energy. Watch how much time you spend judging; the constant noise in our heads, assessing whether something is good or bad. This goes back to Step 1 (take full responsibility for your life), where we judged the employer to be too demanding (and therefore responsible for our lack of motivation), the children to be unthankful (and therefore responsible for our frustration), the weather to be unpredictable (and therefore responsible for our mood swings) etc.etc, you fill the gaps.
Imagine you would not constantly judge whether something is bad or good, desirable or non-desirable but simply acknowledge the situation, accept it as it is and recognize that everyone is doing what they think is the right thing at the time. In hindsight it might seem to have been the wrong course of action but when we chose one action over another, it was the right course of action for us at that point in time. Having acted mainly unconsciously, we may have chosen a path that we can’t comprehend or identify with anymore. But yesterday we were someone else than who we are today. The only constant is change. And if we can’t understand why someone else has acted the way they have and possibly even hurt us and others on the way – understand that they did what they thought was right as well. Or as the native American proverb says: “Don’t judge anyone before you haven’t walked a mile in their moccasins.” As humans, we tend to only see things from our point of view. But we can also begin to enjoy the diversity, to embrace it and to not condemn it – that we are all different is a generosity of life.
And maybe, as we start to live life more purposefully and driven by love, we will create less situations which are hurtful for one another. By seeing things through the eyes of love, we will intrinsically know what way to go.
Below is a poem that is attributed to Charlie Chaplin, supposedly written by him on his 70th birthday. The words beautifully express how we and our perception of events change over time with increasing self-love and how everything is ok the way it is:
As I Began to Love Myself
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time
was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance
I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens
at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in
my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for
my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew
me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude
a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right and ever since,
I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that this is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry
about the future. Now, I only live for the moment where EVERYTHING
is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my
mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this
connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing
new worlds are born. Today I know that THIS IS “LIFE”!