Just read a great post here on Forbes by Alan Hall. He starts by noting that lots of articles in the media focus on communication mistakes for employees to avoid when dealing with their bosses, and goes on to "turn the tables" by offering a list of things bosses shouldn't say to their employees.
As often happens to me when I read a 'list' post, I ended up thinking, Wow, these are all variations on a theme. Each one of the 9 "don'ts" Alan offers lives in this realm:
The heart of bad boss communication is: "I'm much more important than you, so what I say goes."
When stripped down to its essence like this, I suspect most bosses would take one look at this sentence, shudder and think, I never want to be that boss. We know that sending this core message is going to lower morale, reduce productivity, and - over time - cause us to lose our best people. (Now, if you believe this is a perfectly legitimate sentiment for a boss to have toward his or her subordinates, you might want to skip the rest of this article. It's just going to make you mad.)
Let's assume that when most bosses - reasonable, well-intentioned people trying to do a good job at managing and leading others; you and me, for instance - are sending this message, it's unintentional. So, how can we avoid sending this "You don't matter" message to our employees?
1) Check your assumptions. Often negative or belittling comments arise out of unconscious negative assumptions we carry about others. If, for instance, you assume that one of your employees doesn't care about quality, or isn't committed to supporting the team, those assumptions will "leak" into your communication to that person. Question those limiting assumptions: does the evidence really support them? If so, figure out how to give the person feedback about the problem. If it turns out that your assumption isn't based in fact, establish a new assumption that is mor accurate: perhaps, "I haven't been clear about the quality I expect," or "this person isn't as vocal about the team as others, but he definitely wants us to succeed."
2) Cool off. Insofar as possible, don't communicate to employees when you're angry. The one time in my career I communicated to an employee in a way that I later regretted, I was really upset at something she'd just done - and I let her know in no uncertain terms. I spent months rebuilding our relationship; if I'd taken even a few minutes to calm down before I spoke to her initially, it would have been a very different conversation.
3) Think about how you'd feel. Before you say something to an employee - especially if it's a difficult or corrective message - think about how you'd want your boss to communicate the same message to you. I don't mean stylistically (e.g., some people like more information, some like less; some like directness, while some favor a more contextualized approach) - I mean the essence of the message. I suspect you'd want the message communicated in a way that felt respectful and honest. As you reflect on what you're about to say - or even what you're in the process of saying; you can do this on the fly - if it would make you feel talked down to, dismissed, or 'spun,' don't say it. Figure out how to communicate the message in a way that you'd want to hear it.
If any of you have other ideas about how bosses can keep their interactions with employees productive, inclusive and respectful - please share it with us below.
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