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In June, my wife Liz and I will be approaching our fourth anniversary. I have been reflecting on what works and what doesn’t in terms of balancing my work and love life. Both Liz and I are very dedicated workers and can go a day or two without seeing one another awake. While this is not a perfect scenario, we make it work. I am by no means a dating or love coach, but I’ve found a few ways to balance work and love in my life.
Date Night
Once a week, Liz and I set aside an evening for date night. My typical evening includes various events in the NY tech scene (meetups, happy hours, poker groups with a few tech and non-tech friends), which means I often arrive home exhausted after 10PM. My wife, on the other hand, is early to bed and early to rise. Attending too many events can mean a day or two of getting home after she is already asleep. Our weekly date nights range from dinner and a movie to a Knicks game and dessert; it is the one time when we turn off our phones.
Sabbath
I am a Sabbath observer which means that from Friday at sunset to Saturday at sundown I am off the grid. Phones, television, and electricity are all off-limits. It is amazing what twenty-four hours of quality, screenless zen time can do for the spirit. Sabbath consists of a few meals and prayers, but we often spend the entirety of Friday night catching up with each other -- the most therapeutic part of my routine.
Lunch Dates
Admittedly, I haven’t had one of these in quite some time, but lunch dates are a great way to have a quick catch up with a loved one during the day. One of my near-term goals is to get in the habit of scheduling one lunch date every two weeks. Coordinating schedules can be difficult, but it’s worth the opportunity to regroup in the middle of the day.
No Electronics In The Bedroom
My wife and I recently agreed that whenever either one of us is ready to go to sleep, we are not allowed to bring our phones or computers into the bedroom. This has done wonders for my literary interests -- I’ve managed to read ten books in the last three months -- but it helps separate work from personal life.
First Two Hours After Work
As the last one to come home, I used to enter my apartment, turn on the TV, flip open my laptop and tune out the world. Nowadays, I put my phone and computer away and spend the first two hours at home with my wife. We catch up, eat dinner (if we haven’t already eaten separately), and unwind before tackling any late night work.
None of this would be possible if we didn’t communicate properly. Regardless of how you balance your work and personal life, it's crucial to communicate your needs, have realistic expectations about schedules and availability, and most importantly, remember to listen to your spouse or significant other. Make sure you don’t only communicate the problems; also share your wins. Having success in a startup is great; sharing it with someone you care about makes it that much better.
I’m always looking for other opinions on achieving work / life balance. If you have any, please leave them in the comments section.
Last but not least: Liz, thank you for everything. You are truly amazing and my biggest supporter. I love you. Happy Anniversary!
