Judging yourself for your perceived shortcomings is one way of sabotaging your future success and overall happiness. However, the less rein you give yourself to make mistakes, the fewer chances you give yourself to do something extraordinary. Confidence is key to taking risks, but so is a willingness to fail.
Everyone battles their inner critic at some point or another, but those of us who succumb to this voice end up believing it. Below we asked 10 members of Forbes Coaches Council how to be less critical and more affirming in our lives. Here's what they said:
Clockwise from top left: Belinda MJ Brown, Marlo Higgins, Cha Tekeli, Erin Kennedy, Lianne Lyne, Kim Monaghan, David Taylor-Klaus, Julie Kantor, Emily Kapit, Greg Faxon. All photos courtesy of the individual members.
1. Develop Self-Awareness
The first step is to recognize the behavior. I coach my clients to develop self-awareness by naming a situation where they've found themselves being critical of their performance or appearance. Then we explore which core value or belief led them to be so hard on themselves. When identified, we can engage in a process to reframe situations from a constructive and more serving perspective. – Belinda MJ Brown, Equanimity Executive, LLC
2. Record Yourself
Record yourself right after a great win. Maybe you just closed a major account or secured a powerful meeting. Use the voice recording on your smartphone and talk about what you just did. Listen back to it to encourage yourself to do it again. Just hearing your voice inflection right after you’ve done something great with your business can encourage you to do more. – Marlo Higgins, Marlo Higgins Success Coaching
3. Move Your Body
Your body is your best tool to changing your attitude in seconds. It's your own Wonder App. Stand up and stretch; make a power pose (hands on hips or above your head); sit up tall and smile (your brain thinks you're happy whether you are or not); walk around, and find a different environment (even if it's another room in the house). Don't forget to breathe. Take a few deep inhales and exhales. Voila! A new you! – Cha Tekeli, Chalamode, Inc.
4. Counter With Positive Self-Talk
Sometimes it is hard to ignore that little voice in our head that likes to tell us what we are doing wrong, but you can consciously control it. When you feel the negativity creeping up, counter it with three reasons why what you are doing is the right thing. When you remember the positive, it will be easier for you to hold the negative at bay and keep you feeling happier and lighter. – Erin Kennedy, Professional Resume Services, Inc.
5. Ask Questions To Find The Root Cause
Our gremlin tells us in one way or another we are not good enough. Ask yourself: Whose voice is it? What are they saying? What is your gremlin's positive intention? For example, how might it be protecting you? What is a more effective strategy to preserve this positive intention? If you were to name your gremlin, what would you call it? What will you do next time you hear your gremlin? – Lianne Lyne, PLP Coaching, LLC
6. Surround Yourself With Positive Place And Positive Faces
You should be very selective with whom and where you spend your time. If you're routinely amidst negative people, this will trigger your inner critic. Surround yourself with positive people who inspire, motivate and affirm. Include a good coach and mentor in that group. This also applies to your environment. Find positive and uplifting places to spend time in each day. – Kim Monaghan, KBM Coaching & Consulting LLC
7. Meet Your Saboteurs; Get In Alignment With Them
Take the free online Saboteur Assessment (from Positive Intelligence author Shirzad Chamine). Review the results. Now, get to what your internal negative voices are saying, their origin and how normal it is to have them. Yes, they're normal. And no, they will not go away, but we can learn to deal with them. – David Taylor-Klaus, DTK Coaching
8. Sit Down And Have An Argument With Yourself
There are three steps for being less critical: First, clearly write down and identify what beliefs maintain the criticism (e.g., you're not perfect and need to be). Then, question those beliefs: What evidence, usefulness or implications do these beliefs have? Third, energize yourself by asking what are alternative, positive beliefs that will serve you better? – Julie Kantor, PhD, JP Kantor Consulting
9. Reframe Every Negative Thought
Recognizing success and great work is easy; handling challenges and failures are far more difficult, though part of life. I use reframing as an effective method for viewing challenges or failures in a new light (and recommend it to clients daily). Concentrate on the great work you've been doing, the lessons you've learned along the way, and remind yourself of just how much you bring to the table. – Emily Kapit, MS, MRW, ACRW, CPRW, ReFresh Your Step, LLC
10. Write Down One Thing That Went Well Today
Consider keeping a journal by your nightstand and writing down one thing that went well every day before you go to bed. This can be something you're grateful for or an acknowledgment of your own effort. Building this habit into your day will help retrain your brain to notice the positive things, like how far you've come, instead of comparing yourself to the endless horizon of your own expectations. – Greg Faxon, Greg Faxon Enterprises, LLC
