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“What are the top 10 things you learned about thirtysomething women – their tricks and tips that helped them define and find their success?” I answered that question when I delivered a Masterclass at Glasgow Caledonian University in Scotland last month. This is post #6 in a series that brings the Masterclass to you. The complete Top 10 List is here.
In their 20s women often live out other people’s dreams (parents’, bosses’, professors’, significant others’), feeling institutional and societal pressures in the process. In their 30s they’re better equipped to understand what they want from life and themselves. They’re returning to school, pivoting their careers, often without giving up their current jobs, and taking on multiple titles at the same time. They’re now living their dreams and that means when they find themselves in a hole, they quit digging.
As Nicole Cramer, SVP, Chief Creativity Catalyst & Chief of Staff, McCann Worldgroup says, “One of the biggest things I learned through all of this is whether you’re 25, 27 or 34, your path isn’t defined and it shouldn’t be. If you feel that it is and it’s not the one that you want, change it.”
When you’re in stuck in a hole, quit digging and starting “climbing the steps" to success. Graphic... [+]
And that leads to this question: Why would Nadia Jones graduate in the top 5% of her class, go to law school, and ditch the white-shoe law firm trajectory when she’s 32? The answer is because she quit digging her hole and that’s when she found the most elusive of unicorns—work that fits with the rest of her life.
When Nadia was 25 years old, she graduated from law school on Mother’s Day, carrying her nine-month-old son across the stage to accept her diploma. Filled with optimism, she landed a job at one of the best law firms in Florida. But it didn’t take long for optimism to turn into the job she hated. “Many days I sat at my desk fighting back tears,” says Nadia. “It wasn’t just the caseload. I was the only lawyer who was a woman of color at a firm with over 100 attorneys. I didn’t get invited to the golf course or the sailing excursions where the relationships with partners really developed. I didn’t feel like I had another woman I could go to for advice. Ultimately, I felt like I didn’t fit in.”
Nadia wanted to quit but couldn’t because she was living the American Dream — beautiful home, full-time nanny, nice cars — and she needed to help pay for it. Nadia started blogging, sharing her stories about motherhood, work-life balance and what it’s like to be a lawyer mom. She loved blogging, but couldn’t figure out how to make a business out of it. Then one day it all clicked when she saw a gap in the marketplace: women of color bloggers didn’t have a community to call home. She ditched the white-shoe law firm trajectory to fill that hole and became a successful entrepreneur. Today, Nadia is an award-winning blogger at JusticeJonesie.com and the CEO of the Niche Parent Network where she connects influential bloggers and digital influencers to brands. She says, “I wake up with a smile on my face simply happy that I get to do what I love and earn a living from it.”
This is what Nadia says about “throwing it all away” – her advice to others who want to quit digging but think their hole is too deep: “Friends and family (and perfect strangers) will doubt you and tell you that you’re making the wrong decision, especially after spending years and money on advanced degrees. But your education is never wated. I am thankful for my law degree and have found that my training has only helped make me a better businessperson and has even saved me needless legal fees.”
Christina Greer, Assistant Professor of Political Science at Fordham University, was digging a hole that starts with “I’m too busy.” This is her fix:
“I look at this point of my life as the ‘climbing of the steps’. I work, work, work and reach a landing. Then I set more goals and work more until I get to the next landing. I keep going up and up and it’s exciting. But the big question is: How can I better enjoy the climbing of the steps?
“I’m working on being better at it. When I was getting my PhD I would miss important events with my friends and family because I was 'getting the PhD.' Now I’m saying no because it’s summer and I’m not tenured or I have another book to write. There will always be something that will get in my way of spending time with friends and family, if I allow it. Recently I declined an invitation to my close friend’s wedding because of work, but I decided to go at the last minute. Not only was it the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to (including my own), but it was the last time I saw my uncle who died unexpectedly a few months later. Had I let work get in the way, I would have missed these important moments in life. I’m working on reorganizing my priorities so I can enjoy the climbing of the steps. And that means saying yes to some things and no to other things.”
Tip: When you're stuck in a hole, quit digging and start “climbing the steps" to success.
For the stories that I shared at the Masterclass at GCU, click on the links below:
No. 1 Success Tip For Women In Business: Do More Than You Know
Any Woman Who Tells You That She ‘Does It All’ Is A Liar
To Make It In Business, Women Are Asking Tough Questions
Women Are Leaning In, But Who’s Catching Them On The Other Side?
‘My Best Mistake’: From The Ashes, These Women Emerged
Who Are You? The Answer Isn’t On Your LinkedIn Profile
When They’re Stuck In A Hole, Successful Women Stop Digging
If You Don't Have A Strong Foundation, You Can Explode
Women Who Build Hefty Emotional Bank Accounts Are Redefining Power
