EDITOR'S NOTE

This page is no longer active.

We regret any inconvenience.

More about our terms
Back to Forbes
BETA
This is a BETA experience. You may opt-out by clicking here
Edit Story

7 Reasons Entrepreneurs Must Have Thick Skin And Soft Hearts

Following
This article is more than 10 years old.

MJ Gottlieb is a true-to-the-bone New York entrepreneur with skin thick enough to survive even the harshest blows life can dish out. He is a genuine tough guy with street and business smarts who will go eyeball to eyeball with anyone.

There is another side to MJ, though. Every morning he reminds us all that each day comes only once, so we should make the most of it. MJ goes about his day uplifting and helping others. At the end of the day, he heads to the gym, hits the heavy bag, heads home, gets up early again the next day, and starts all over again.

The first time our team called him he connected us with Shark Tank’s Daymond John to offer advice to fellow entrepreneurs and our company Fishbowl on how we can create success from life’s challenges. He asked nothing in return.

It got me thinking…this tough guy has an extraordinary heart. We can learn a great deal from his example. Today, it seems like we can be a bit soft-skinned and offended by simple things and too hard-hearted and callous toward others when a gentle hand of support would go so much further. When we feel the need to hit something in life, we can learn from MJ and find a punching bag and not the nearest person.

In MJ’s world, he takes a lot of “hits,” yet judgments slide off him like beads of water off a polished car as he cranks out his work with a passion. His tough skin has helped him develop an incredible heart that is open to learning from all his experiences.

Jim Rohn said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” As I get a little older I find myself seeking out people who have an optimistic, non-judgmental, and uplifting attitude.

MJ wrote about developing thick skin to survive in business earlier this year and I worked with our team to add our thoughts. In the following seven points, MJ covers the “skin” tactics and we chime in with some “heart-stretching” exercises. Let us know what you think.

1. Write down the things that you have been avoiding and do them

Skin – MJ recommends creating a game plan and writing down everything you need to do today, this week, and this month to accomplish your goals. Review the list and identify the items on the list you very much want to put off or avoid. Copy the “procrastination” tasks on a separate sheet and place them in plain sight. Every day, review the list and accomplish at least one of them.

Heart – We recommend offering more compassion and understanding and a little less judgment and condemnation. Demonstrating kindness and generosity of spirit is a natural heart warmer.

2. Make the call

Skin – MJ encourages us to demonstrate high courage and make the call, introduce ourselves, and be bold enough to get out there and try to “bag the elephant,” so to speak. Accept having the door of life abruptly closed from time to time. Just keep knocking.

Heart – By all means, call on the rock stars. Remember, they are just people and many of the so called big players are waiting to hear something new and innovative. When you call on someone have something to share with no expectation of receiving something in return.

3. Approach the seemingly unapproachable

Skin – MJ says, “Go for it and approach anyone who you need to talk to that you can benefit from (and as well as whom you feel may benefit from you). Go up to that person and do what you have to do and say what you have to say.” This empowers you to determine if there is an opportunity and also leaves you with no regrets.

Heart – We suggest you look beyond the seemingly thick layers of the “unapproachable.” There just might be a soft and open heart under all the layers. If a person says no, leave with dignity and go try somewhere else.

4. Create authentic and real connections

Skin – MJ points out that Tim Ferris in The 4-Hour Workweek asks people to practice looking strangers in the eye to try to grow thick skin. It is very uncomfortable at first, but like building a muscle it gets easier the more times you put in the work.

Heart – Do something for an associate you don’t particularly appreciate and be sure not to accept any credit. As MJ states, it is only a true gift if you don’t expect anything in return. Otherwise, it’s simply quid pro quo.

5. Meet three new people every day

Skin – MJ recommends approaching three random people each day to thicken your skin. It helps you gain the courage to approach anyone without getting nervous or tongue-twisted. It also gets you to think quicker.

Heart – One side effect that often happens during this exercise is that the more people you approach, the more chances you have to meet someone you can create new opportunities with.

6. Make amends

Skin & Heart – Think about people who you have done wrong, then have the humility to contact them and offer a sincere apology. MJ helps people in Forgotten Souls, his homeless foundation, make amends to people who they have harmed, and he too has made amends for any wrongs he has done to people in the past. No one is perfect. We will all trip from time to time. We can also strengthen our heart through forgiveness and not holding grudges.

7. Do something uncomfortable

Skin – There is a consistent pattern in all of the above actions, namely, doing what is uncomfortable. One of MJ’s favorite quotes is, “Growth begins the moment you step out of your comfort zone.” So, the final action step he offers is to write down anything else you have been putting off and then get to work making it happen. A few weeks ago, someone reached out to MJ with an uncommon request that he felt was completely unreasonable. Instead of lashing out at the person, he took a moment to reflect back on all the times he had made unreasonable requests and, most importantly, how uncomfortable it was to ask for help. This helped him gain a better perspective on how to help this person.

Heart – A soft and strong heart begins with seeking to understand the person on the other side of the table and making up the difference for them when you are able. Life is short so we encourage you this season to make the call, help a friend, make amends and stretch that heart muscle. It's stronger than you think.

On a final note, you will find when you have developed thick skin and a strong heart the word “procrastination” is no longer a part of your vocabulary. You will not only be unafraid to do uncomfortable things anymore, you will actually be excited to do them. Nobody puts off something they are excited about. So go do what you don’t want to do, go after what you want, and take every shot that you have to in order to give yourself a chance to achieve your goals and live the life you truly want. And never forget that a thick skin should come with a soft and caring heart.

Additional reporting for this article was provided by Mary Michelle Scott, Fishbowl President. David Williams’ book, The 7 Non-Negotiables of Winning, is available from Amazon.