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Be a Creator, Not a Critic: The Leadership Feedback That Really Works

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The movement to help women rise from second class status to equal rights with men—an effort that has been an uphill climb ever since the 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920—got a considerable boost last year when Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, sold over a million copies of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.  But, as last week’s Wall Street Journal blog about the lack of senior women in finance stated, “Women Get More Lead Roles, But the Script Hasn’t Really Changed,” there are still many miles to go up the hill.

Heather Ritchie, a Vice President of Marketing Services at Alcatel-Lucent , has never flagged in her contributions to the women’s movement. In addition to her quotidian duties of organizing events, writing press releases and the likes, she has developed her own internal training program to elevate the skills of ALU’s female executives. She runs periodic workshops with skills in presenting, writing, storytelling and media training. True to her own cause, Ritchie frequently seeks out training to improve her own considerable skills.

She told me about a coach she had retained to work with some the executives at her company. After struggling in the boardroom with a proposal, Ritchie asked the coach to give her an assessment of herself. The man wrote five items on a slip of paper: “Doe-eyed, pushover, puppy dog, weak, not credible.” Then he told her all the things she needed to change from how wide open she held her eyes to the slant of her head. I was stunned—and so was she—but more about her reaction in a moment.

That coach had violated one of the most basic precepts of coaching: to give positive rather than negative feedback. Sadly, it appears that many coaches reverse this precept repeatedly. In the current issue of Wired, staff writer Clive Thompson calls this “hypercriticism,” and cites two academic studies in which respondents found more value in negative than positive criticism. Thompson finds that in his own writing. “When I post an acerbic or cranky tweet, it gets recirculated far more widely than my cheerier ones…Social media gold.” Hollywood films often make entire stories about tough critics. The latest is the current “Whiplash” in which J.K. Simmons portrays a sadistic drum instructor who mercilessly browbeats his student into success.

I define the two approaches as “reactive” and “proactive” coaching. In the former, the coach observes the students in the skill they desire to improve—presentations, sports, writing, negotiations, etc.—and then tells the students what they are doing wrong and how they can do it differently; in the latter, the coach first sets down a set of best practices, and then leads students in the application of those skills. I am of the latter discipline. In fact, I turn down requests to “look at our presentation and tell us how to do it better.” By always starting with best practices, I serve as a creator not a critic—and sleep soundly at night.

Ritchie did tell me that after her initial shock at the coach’s note, she took some time to digest and think about what the coach said – and what would work for her. . As she put it:

"Did I like the day he was hypercritical?  No. But I’m grateful because I’m stronger and more self-aware because of it…his criticism made me think very deeply about communication styles and the subtle things people do to convey who they are.  I developed my course in response to his criticism as a way for me to process and make sense of it.  Now I’m fortunate to be able to share that learning with others facing similar challenges."

I can attest that Ritchie has only improved on a very effective executive presence that she had in abundance before she met the other coach.

I am also of the school that subscribes to the theory that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Coaches must tell their students what to do, not what not to do.

Jerry Weissman is the country's leading presentation coach and best-selling author. Follow him on Twitter  @PowerPres, Forbes, and LinkedIn for more insights.

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