In the ever-wacky Christmas issue of the journal BMJ, three British scientists have studied James Bond’s drinking habits and come to the conclusion that Bond was indeed a raging alcoholic. The study authors went right to the source, perusing 14 of the Sir Ian Fleming novels, and tracking Bond’s alcohol consumption over time. They suggest that the reason he liked his martinis “shaken, not stirred” may have been because of the alcoholic tremor he would have had from drinking a whopping 92 units of alcohol per week – four times the recommended limit in Britain. They say with this level of blood alcohol it would be awfully hard to be a successful spy, let alone a successful womanizer.
“The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol,” they write. “We advise an immediate referral for further assessment and treatment.”
The team adds that Bond's drinking would have led some serious long-term ramifications since it puts him into the level-3 category, “the highest risk group for malignancies, depression, hypertension, and cirrhosis. He is also at high risk of suffering from sexual dysfunction, which would considerably affect his womanising.” They give him a life expectancy of just 56 years.
“Although we appreciate the societal pressures to consume alcohol when working with international terrorists and high stakes gamblers," they conclude, "we would advise Bond be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake and reduce his intake to safe levels. We conclude that James Bond was unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he would have wanted to, because of likely alcohol induced tremor."
If you’re wondering whether this was a government-funding study, the answer is thankfully “no.” Two of the three authors owned the entire Bond collection. And the authors conducted the experiment on their own time, in the “study authors’ homes, in a comfy chair.” The science life ain’t easy, but someone’s got to do it. Here are the study's essential findings in a beautiful infographic:
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