If you think that receiving corrective feedback is stressful and difficult for you, then you might be surprised to learn that your leader is experiencing many of the same feelings. All of this stress and anxiety on both sides makes it very difficult to have a meaningful and productive conversation. Let’s examine the assumptions that many bosses make that may be counterproductive to having a successful discussion.
Assumption 1: People don’t realize there is a problem
A recent study by Zenger Folkman, which had a global sample of 3,875 people, asked if employees were surprised or did not know about the problem when they were given negative or redirecting feedback. I was taken back to discover that 74% indicated that they were NOT surprised and already knew about the problem. So often when we see someone performing poorly we say to ourselves, “If they only realized they had a problem then they would do better.” The reality is that in the majority of cases people do realize the problem, but they have not realized how serious it was, or they have not figured out how to do it better.
Assumption 2: It is best to get it over quickly
Because both the person giving the feedback and the person receiving the feedback are anxious, they both want to get it over quickly. The human organism is wired to avoid pain. This leads to a burst of talking and very little listening.
Our article in Harvard Business Review shared a global study were we asked respondents to rate their manager on the extent that they “carefully listened to the other person’s point of view about the problem before giving them feedback.” Respondents who strongly disagreed with this statement rated their manager significantly lower on providing honest and straightforward feedback on a regular basis. Respondents who rated their managers as highly effective at listening felt more positive about the manager’s ability to provide excellent feedback.
Effective listening has a profound positive effect on how others rate your effectiveness at delivering feedback.
In this assessment, we also measured a person’s preference or avoidance for receiving negative or re-directing feedback. The results showed that if a respondent’s manager did not listen, their preference was significantly lower for receiving negative feedback than if the manager was rated as doing a good job on listening. The reality is that it takes more than good listening skills to have an effective performance discussion with another person, but the listening skills of a person’s manager tended to tip the preference of people to score below average or above average. The shift is not huge but it appears to be one additional factor that influences the success of a performance discussion.
Focus of Feedback
The name “feedback” implies an event that is all about talking and telling. But this research clearly implies that when done well it is more about listening and understanding. Most people know when they have made a mistake or their performance is poor. The assumption people make is that we need to be bold about telling them and that somehow the bolder a person is the more likely it is that the person receiving the feedback will change.
If you were receiving tough feedback, how would you like it delivered?
If someone was giving you tough feedback would you like them to just blast you with an intense and brief barrage of words, or would you prefer to have them ask you questions about the situation? Would you prefer that they give you the opportunity to explain the circumstances and what you were thinking at the time? Would you rather they just tell you how to correct the situation or would you prefer that they gave you the chance to offer your ideas for how you could change? Perhaps after you had offered your ideas they might have something to add. Would you like it if they offered their support and some needed resources to help you? If they said, “I will check back with you next week to see how things are going.” Would that help keep you on track?
Feedback is a Gift
We can all think of some feedback that has been a gift. It has helped us perform better and made us successful. But often it feels more like punishment, condemnation and a personal failure. As a leader, try listening first, try to understand their point of view before you give yours and encourage them to come up with a plan for change. If you do you may feel like you have given a gift rather than doled out a punishment.
If you would like to learn more about your feedback preferences and perceptions take our Feedback Assessment by clicking here.
