I love being around little kids. I loved hanging out with my kids when they were little, and I love hanging out with my grandkids, to an extraordinary degree. But I enjoy spending time with little kids to whom I'm not related, as well.
Partly, it's just fun. But mostly, I see qualities in little kids - especially those who are loved and cherished, and therefore feel comfortable to simply be who they are - that I find both fascinating and instructive. Think about it: between the ages of 0 and 5, children go from being cute little blobs to being pretty fully-formed people who can walk, talk, eat, interact, love, reason, persuade, disagree, share. They naturally make use of a variety of inborn survival mechanisms to become successful human beings.
Unfortunately, by the time we get to be adults, we seem to have forgotten or dismissed or gotten socialized out of many of those mechanisms. I'm convinced, though, that we can re-engage them to our benefit, especially as leaders. Here are some of the most valuable ways to act like a child:
Be insatiably curious. This is the big one. Watching my eight-month-old granddaughter explore her world is to see the constant revving of that curiosity engine. She's continuously engaged in trying to understand things more deeply: How do my hands work? What happens when I make a noise at you? If I'm sitting up and then I lean forward...ooops! And on and on and on. It's how she'll be able to figure out all the things she needs to be able to do by the time she's two, or four, or seven. As adults, we let go of this endless curiosity in favor of a grown-up, cool, "Oh, yeah, I already knew that" - and it doesn't serve us. If we can re-engage that curiosity - that will to know, to find out, to understand - that we had when we were little, we then have at our disposal an amazing tool for learning whatever new things come our way. And as a leader, being curious allows you to connect with those who work with and for you: your interest - in what they know and think, how they feel and what they're seeing - communicates respect and openness in a wonderful, genuine way. It also allows you to find out truly important stuff from them, and it models for them the power of curiosity.
Want things desperately. As a parent, it can be hugely irritating when your toddler is absolutely committed to an I-can-do-it-myself endeavor that's just beyond his or her competency. And it's a good thing that we learn a more measured response as grown-ups; that we can negotiate and let go of things when necessary without melting down. But sometimes, that all-in, no-holds-barred commitment is still what's needed. I was just talking to a client today whose boss, the president of a TV network, is great at channeling his inner four-year-old when singleness of purpose is what's required. Right now, their network really needs that, and this guy's intensity and focus, his unwillingness to let go, is a godsend. And his team is galvanized - it's catalyzing their own gotta-have-it energy. There are times, as a leader, when mono-focusing on a particular initiative or outcome is exactly the right thing to do.
Make a mess. You may have noticed that children are not very neat. When our 3-year-old granddaughter gets done playing in a room, it generally looks like a bomb went off. We're in process of teaching her how to clean up after herself. Which is great. But what too often happens is that the good habit of cleaning up after ourselves morphs into the habit of never making a mess in the first place. And as leaders, insisting on perfect grown-up neatness at all times can get in the way of innovation, creativity, fun, and joy. Try re-introducing some messiness: have a meeting that's purely about brainstorming- you can pick the best ideas at the next meeting; let somebody pursue a crazy idea that just might be the next big thing; encourage your folks to sometimes bring you half-formed proposals that you can bat around together.
Love without measure. My older daughter, the mother of the aforementioned grandchildren, used to run up to me, fling her arms around my waist, and yell, "Mommy, you're home! I love you, mommy! I LOVE you!!" By the time we get to be adults, we've torqued down that response considerably. Now, I'm not advocating that you bear-hug your employees and shout out your undying love. But re-finding some of the purity and unconditionality of that loving response can be a wonderful thing. For instance, I love my business partner, Jeff. Sometimes he irritates me, often we disagree, and we definitely recognize (and give each other feedback about) each other's flaws. But underneath it all, my affection for him is simple and pure: I love him and see him as a wonderful person, and I'm grateful every day that he's my partner. To the extent that you can connect with your own heart-felt affection for and acceptance of your colleagues and employees, it establishes a strong foundation of trust and mutuality from which great results can arise.
Try Until You Get It. All one-year-olds try walking a thousand times before they get it completely right. And the first few hundred tries are never very successful. But they keep going until they get it - and that's why almost everyone can walk. By the time we get to be adults, most of us will only try something new a couple of times before giving up. And, unfortunately, many of the capabilities needed to lead require many, many tries before you can get good. Managing people, for instance, or mastering complex business processes, or being politically astute at a high level without compromising your integrity. If you can let go of your adult embarrassment at failure and your need to look good, and re-discover your childhood willingness to just keep trying for however long it takes - it will open up new possibilities for growth and excellence on a daily basis, and allow you to develop those deep and complex competencies you most need in order to lead well.
Of course, I could have written a post about all the ways you don't want to act like a four-year-old in order to be a strong leader (and I'm sure that you could have shared some horror stories of leaders throwing four-year-old style temper tantrums, or acting like the two-year-old center of the universe). Nonetheless, we all had these qualities that turbo-charged our growth and development from birth to school age, and if we re-claim them, they can be equally powerful in taking us from 20 to 40, 60, 80 - and beyond.
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