Maybe you have trouble recalling your clients’ names. Perhaps you draw a blank every time you introduce a new colleague to co-workers. You're constantly thinking to yourself: Is it Joan or Jane? Tim or Tom? Larry or Barry?
Failing to remember someone’s name is not only embarrassing, but also insulting--and it can seriously damage relationships in business. As Dale Carnegie once said, “A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
“If you’re inside a burning building, and the fire marshal tells you the exit path, chances are you’ll remember the steps and could repeat them to others,” says Darlene Price, author of Well Said! Presentations and Conversations That Get Results. “The point is, everybody knows that people make the effort to remember things that are important to them—from a birthday or special anniversary, to a personal identification number or favorite wine label. Therefore, when you fail to remember someone’s name, especially the second or third time they tell it to you, it sends a clear message that you do not deem them important. Their name is seemingly insignificant and irrelevant to you. Of course, you may not consciously feel this way, but the person’s perception of you is their reality.”
Upon meeting someone, when you take the time and make the effort to learn, remember, and use the ‘sweetest sound’ of their name, it makes a lasting and positive first impression on them, Price adds. “In turn, they are immediately drawn to you and are more likely to remember you and your name. This is critically important in business because people do business with people they like and trust. Learning another person’s name is the first, most basic step in showing respect and building a meaningful relationship.”
In Pictures: 6 Tips for Remembering Names
Simply put, remembering names creates a win-win situation. “When you remember someone’s name, they win because they feel important, affirmed and valued. Their self-perception soars because you’ve shown them they are special, memorable, and unforgettable,” Price explains. “You win because they’ll love you for making them feel this way. They’ll also respect and admire you for making the effort to remember. Socially or in business, there’s no faster more reliable way to build rapport, cultivate like-ability, and make a great and lasting first impression than to remember a person’s name.”
But why do people so often forget names?
“There are plenty of excuses for not remembering names: bad memory, poor listening, not paying attention, self-absorption, too busy, and most of all, an ‘I-Can’t-Remember-Names’ self-limiting attitude which turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Price says. To overcome these barriers, there are three critical keys which unlock your potential and prepare you for successfully remembering names.
The first key in preparation is making a commitment, she says. “You need to make a deliberate, conscious decision to improve this skill. Convince yourself that it’s important enough to make the effort. Make it a goal and plan to achieve it.”
The second key in preparation is attitude. “Change your self-talk,” Price adds. “Never again say to yourself or another, ‘I’m horrible at remembering names.’” This statement reinforces the negative and ends up becoming true. Instead, declare the positive desired state. Say to yourself, “I’m getting better and better at remembering names.” Or, “I really enjoy remembering names and I’m good at it,” she says.
The third key to prepare you for success is practice. Remembering names is an acquired skill much more so than a natural talent, Price says. “When you lift weights at the gym, your muscles grow—there’s nothing magical or mysterious about it. Similarly, the more names you ‘lift’ into your consciousness, the more you build your muscle for remembering names. Therefore, you need to practice, practice, practice."
Beginning today, pledge to learn, remember and use the names of at least five co-workers—individuals whose names you have formerly heard but forgotten. Add one or two to your list each day. In your next meeting or conference call, vow to learn the names of as many attendees as possible. “In fact, every time you interact with someone, professionally or personally, commit to learning their name, from colleagues, customers and key stakeholders, to restaurant servers, customer service agents, and new acquaintances at a party. By repeatedly practicing a few simple techniques every day with everyone you meet, the memory muscle grows and before you know it, you’ll be ‘bench pressing’ more names than you ever thought possible.”
In Pictures: 6 Tips for Remembering Names
In addition to laying the groundwork with commitment, attitude and practice, there are six techniques to apply in the moment when you’re meeting someone, which help ensure you learn, remember, and use their name effectively, Price says.
“Make it a top priority to learn their name and engage in a meaningful way. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted; and don’t let yourself off the hook by blaming a bad memory.” Forgetting names is most often caused by lack of focus and effort, rather than a brain deficiency.
2. Repeat their name aloud. You’ve probably heard this tip before—but how often do you try it? “Repetition engraves the person’s name in your memory,” Price says. “After meeting a person, immediately say their name aloud at least twice; first as a question to confirm you heard it correctly and are pronouncing it properly, and second as a conversation starter.” This is especially helpful if you are unsure about the pronunciation or spelling.
3. Ask a question. By immediately asking the person a question, you give him the opportunity to speak, which in turn gives you time to anchor his name in your memory, she explains. “It also sends the message that you’re interested in him and want to learn more about him.” One reason we often fail to remember names is that we start talking about ourselves right away, she adds. “This mistakenly takes the focus off of the other person and onto us; plus it robs us of that precious opportunity to savor and remember the ‘sweetest sound’ of their name and anchor it in our mind. By the time we finish talking, we’ve forgotten their name.” To avoid this mishap, ask a simple question to get them talking first.
4. Repeat his or her name silently. As the other person is answering your question, repeat their name silently at least ten times in your mind. “Listen to what he or she is saying, and be sure to provide nonverbal cues to show you’re interested and paying attention. Then continue saying his or her name silently in your head.”
5. Make a vivid association between their name and something familiar to you. As you’re silently saying to yourself his or her name, link the name with something familiar to you, Price suggests. “Caution: the more bizarre and exaggerated the visualization, the better,” she says. “The other person will never know your image, so make it a memorable one.”
For example, if the person’s name is Jeff, you may pick a word that rhymes with it, like ‘chef.’ “Visualize Jeff wearing a chef’s hat, cooking in your kitchen, wearing a pot on his head (remember the more bizarre the better),” she says. “Or link Jeff to a famous Jeff, such as the movie star Jeff Bridges; or use alliteration such as Jumping Jeff, Jolly Jeff, or Judge Jeff with respective appropriate images.” It doesn’t really matter what you use, so long as the association you choose effectively triggers recall of the person’s name. “You have to search in the moment to use something familiar. It’s a simple trick and it’s been proven to stick,” Price says.
6. Conclude the interaction with his or her name. As your interaction with person draws to a close, be sure to say their name one last time. “It was great to meet you, Jeff, and I look forward to next time.” Afterward, write down the name for reference and recall, Price suggests.
“In today’s fast-paced technology-dependent culture, the human touch is often left by the wayside,” she concludes. “Though our tools of communication have changed, our need for meaningful human interaction remains constant. We all want to feel important, valued and remembered. We all want to hear the ‘the sweetest and most important sound’ spoken by others—our own name. When you take the time and make the effort to learn and use someone’s name, you not only make a positive and lasting impression with them, you stand out as a person who has mastered the first step in creating rapport and building a meaningful relationship.”
In Pictures: 6 Tips for Remembering Names
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