In one of my favorite scenes in the movie Shaun of the Dead, the protagonist and his friend are observing a zombie wandering around in their backyard; they're trying to figure out what's wrong with her. They've just come to the conclusion that she's drunk, when she unintentionally impales herself on a volleyball pole and doesn't die. They decide it's probably something more than just a few Guinesses too many.
I love it because it's so accurate: if there were suddenly zombies running around, you wouldn't automatically assume they were zombies - because, well, you know...zombies don't exist. So you'd try to explain what you were seeing using your pre-existing frame of what does exist.
And I think there's an analogous phenomenon at work. Some colleagues or direct reports are - I'm sorry - metaphorical zombies, and we just keep thinking they're having a bad day, or aren't very social, or just aren't working up to their potential...that they'll snap out of it.
Zombies, sadly, don't suddenly turn out OK. I started thinking about writing this post after reading a very funny and true article by Jake Breeden at Psychology Today about zombie teams; it made me realize there are also individual zombies at work.
Let me be clear: I'm not just talking about people who aren't doing their jobs and need to be fired, I'm talking about colleagues who are actively trying to (metaphorically) kill you and eat your still-beating heart.
And let me also say that it took me a very long time to come to the point of acknowledging that such people exist. I'm a very hopeful person (a book reviewer once called me 'relentlessly optimistic'), and the idea that there are folks at work who really want to see others fail -that was tough for me to get my head around. But sadly, it's true: work zombies do exist.
Herewith, how to recognize corporate zombies and avoid their deadly (metaphorical) bite:
They're not trying to hug you. Just to review; zombies want to kill you and eat your still-beating heart. If someone at work is repeatedly saying destructive things about you to other colleagues, for instance, it's probably not an accident or an oversight. Be especially wary if that person often does things that make your life more difficult with the excuse that he or she is trying to help you. A few years ago I needed to give some very tough feedback to an employee, and shared the essence of it with another colleague because it affected her area. I asked her not to say anything to him until I had a chance to speak with him. When I sat down with the employee, though, I found that she had not only shared the feedback with him, but with a very negative (and untrue) "and Erika's really mad at you" twist. It took me awhile to untangle it with him and even longer to completely rebuild our trust. I went to my colleague and asked her why she had done exactly the opposite of what she'd agreed. She widened her eyes innocently and said, "Well, I thought it would be best to just be honest with him and clear the air." Uh-huh.
Since zombies really just want to chow down on your unprotected flesh, protect yourself: share as little sensitive information with them as you can, and make sure that - whenever possible - you give others the actual facts before the zombie can recruit them into the zombie ranks. Which brings us to the second way to recognize zombies, and the second danger they pose. To wit:
They're more dangerous in packs. In The Walking Dead, individual zombies aren't that deadly, but when 20 of them shuffle into a circle around you, you're in trouble. Similarly, the nature of work zombies is to bring others into their zombie ranks and bring you down together. So, if you walk into a room where someone you're pretty sure is a zombie is hanging out with some other people and they all stop talking - beware the zombie apocalypse. You may not be able to do anything about the zombie, but you can attend to all the other relationships around you very carefully. Be consistently supportive of your colleagues; help them succeed; be honest with them. Let them see who you really are, vs. who the zombie is telling them you are. Because, unfortunately, the zombie won't change his or her story, due to a core truth about zombies -
They're dead. One thing I know about zombies (I've watched a lot of zombie movies): zombie-ness is a permanent state; you can't 'fix' a zombie. If someone at work is committed to your failure - don't waste your time trying to turn them around. Assume they're going to keep being who they are toward you, and do everything you can to protect yourself (see above) and build your own coalition of the living. But if the zombie is able to use his or her zombie powers to build a "pack" that wants to kill you, your best option may be to start building your exit ramp from this group - or even this company.
Now for the good news. Even though they do exist, work zombies are a fairly rare breed. Most people are just people, and you can build good, fun, trusting relationships with them. I just want to help you recognize a zombie when you see one, so you don't end up on the wrong side of a very scary story.
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Check out Erika Andersen’s newest book, Leading So People Will Follow, and discover how to be a followable leader. Booklist called it “a book to read more than once and to consult many times.”
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