Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a job you don’t like and can’t seem to get yourself out of the situation? That’s what happened to a reader, who felt that her lack of self-confidence was holding her back.
Question from a Reader: “How can I gain self-confidence? I’m smart and intelligent, I always have solutions for things at work and people keep telling me I'm good at what I do, but I don't have confidence. I’m stuck in a job that doesn’t pay well just because I don't have confidence. What can I do to change that?”
Lisa’s Response: The difficult part about trying to gain self-confidence is that before that can happen, you must dig deep, reflect on yourself and your life, and analyze the reasons why you feel like you lack confidence.
For example, in a recent blog, I wrote about a client who was unintentionally sabotaging her chances for a promotion because of her negative self-talk. After documenting each time she had a negative thought about herself and reflecting on these situations, she realized that her internal negativity had been demotivating her and causing her to give up on her career dreams.
A similar situation might be occurring with you, so the best way to determine what’s happening and how to overcome it is to analyze yourself and your feelings. Here’s what I mean:
Make a list of all your skills and positive attributes. What are you good at in your job or are skills you have that you’d like to use? You mentioned that your coworkers have said you’re good at what you do and you wrote that you’re smart, intelligent and always have solutions for problems at work. Other people think you’re great, so brainstorm and write down all your positive qualities.
Think about how you gained these skills and attributes. Did you acquire the knowledge on the job, through your education, from reading a book or from another source? Consider where you gained the skills and how these attributes have helped you be successful in your current job and in past jobs.
Write down all the major challenges you’ve overcome in your life. And, include why you were able to overcome each obstacle. Was it due to your perseverance, to your ability to think through situations and analyze them, to your understanding or knowledge of the topic?
Write down your feelings and thoughts about yourself. Do you believe you’re worthy of having a job you enjoy that also pays well? Do you feel good about the skills and knowledge you’ve acquired so far in your life? Do you see yourself as competent and capable in your current job?
Consider what might be holding you back. Write down a list of all the incidents or times when you don’t feel confident or where someone says something that makes you question your skills or abilities. This list might also contain situations from childhood where something happened that made you question yourself or feel insecure or unsure. Also consider if your own internal negativity might be holding you back. For example, do you unintentionally sabotage yourself with negative thoughts whenever you consider looking for a different job?
Orient yourself to the future by creating a career development plan. Determine the next job you’d like to have and conduct research to find job postings for that job or similar jobs. Analyze the job requirements – what knowledge and skills will you need to successfully accomplish the job? Conduct a gap analysis by comparing each requirement to your own skills, knowledge, experience, education and certifications. Then, determine ways to overcome each gap.
Obtain feedback. Seek out others who are successful in the job you want and ask them to a coffee chat. Let the person know you’re interested in a similar job in the future and would like their feedback. Walk them through where you are today, the job you want, your gap analysis and your career development plan. Then obtain their advice. Does your plan include everything they think you’ll need to be successful in a job like theirs? Are their any other skills or attributes they feel were necessary for them to be successful in their job?
Create a support network. It’s always easier to achieve career goals when you surround yourself with people who will support your efforts. So look around and find family members, friends and helpful coworkers with whom you can share your career goals – and then ask for their support and encouragement.
If possible, find career mentors. Good mentors can be found in a variety of places, such as your current workplace, business associations in your area, non-profit organizations, your college or university career center, church groups and even community groups such as business chambers of commerce.
Overcoming self-doubt and getting to the point where you're confident in yourself won’t be an immediate, magical occurrence that will happen like waving a magic wand. It will take time and self-analysis to, slowly but surely, learn to like yourself, believe you are worthy, forgive yourself for past mistakes, and finally – learn to love and accept yourself. It's a journey that will eventually lead you to self-confidence. Best wishes and bon voyage!
Lisa Quast, author of the book, Secrets of a Hiring Manager Turned Career Coach: A Foolproof Guide to Getting the Job You Want. Every Time. Join me on Twitter @careerwomaninc
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