Last month I was a guest lecturer for Stanford University’s Technology Entrepreneurship course. Now I’m bringing the lecture to you in a seven-post (lesson) series. This is Lesson 4.
Rachel Shechtman, the founder of STORY (a new kind of store in NYC that takes the point of view of a magazine, changes every four to eight weeks like a gallery, and sells goods like a store) tells this story, “Years ago when I first moved to NYC, Gloria Steinem said something like this: We’ve sold your generation [Millennials] the wrong bill of goods because we told you that you could have it all. And guess what, we found out you can’t. Oops, sorry. We’re not going to be 100% partner, 100% mom, 100% CEO and have time for a manicure and massage with our girlfriends. It’s just not how it works.”
The hard question is, how does it work? We see reports everywhere screaming that female fertility peaks at 28 and things are really tricky at 35 (that’ s pushing it according to some experts). Egg freezing. Kids. No kids. Adoption, Surrogates. Miscarriages. Abortions. The amount of information and opinions can make your head spin. Twentysomething women have told me that they aren’t fulfilling their purpose, but then they pause and admit that they aren’t even sure what their real purpose is because they can’t define it. If they can’t define it, they certainly can’t fulfill it.
Millennials were raised to believe they could be anything they want to be. Forbes contributor J. Maureen Henderson wrote, “The truth is we’re in an era of unprecedented aspiration inflation. High hopes and supersized ambitions — stoked by a culture that glorifies early achievement in every industry from tech to entertainment — are the norm.” That norm can be costly.
A few months ago I wrote about thirtysomething Renata Black, the founder of Empowered By You. The headline: "From Thongs To Briefs, This Self-Made Woman Sells Panties To Empower." Renata shared a very personal story: “One of the definitions that I connect with most about being an entrepreneur is being possessed with an idea that will change the direction of your field. For me it is creating a basic product that everyone needs, like underwear, and using its sales to drive consistent funding to microfinance for women. My success comes from my relentless nature, but it did end up costing me my marriage. I was married and I was obsessed with my purpose. It was hard work and my husband took the back seat. He wanted to have a kid and I had this unwavering need to empower women. I think living your purpose is the highest luxury, but it can also come at the highest cost. He was the love of my life – I was with him for 10 years. That was one of the biggest and hardest things to overcome and it still is. One of my biggest lessons is that you don’t need to sacrifice one over the other. You need to treat your personal and professional life how you would two guests at your house – same attention. Perhaps I should have had kids earlier, but I wasn’t ready. I have learned to honor my path and respect the process. I can’t change the past – now it’s about forgiving myself. At the time I did the best I could and the best I knew how to.”
Renata Black, Founder of Empowered by You is wearing Rosario Dawson and Abrima Erwiahs line... [+]
How do you treat your personal and professional life like two guests at your house? One step is to quit being a perfectionist and stop trying to be the best mom, best friend, best sister, best employee, best CEO, best coach, best player, best whatever it is. Leslie Graff has a complex LinkedIn profile because she’s holding many titles at the same time -- she’s a fine artist, an online course creator and a psychosocial and developmental specialist. She’s successful, a high achiever and very prolific, but she’s NOT a perfectionist. Leslie says there is a big difference: “Many people assume being successful means being a perfectionist. I defy that. I am personally demanding but not exacting – in most cases getting things to the ‘really good’ point is generally great. When you don’t need the 100%, #1, best superlatives… life is gentler, more balanced, and connected… and success more attainable. I learned early on that perfectionism was a law of diminishing returns.
“Like in painting, if half the time it takes to do a painting is the major work that gets the painting to 85% done and the remaining half of the time is working on tiny details that comprise 15%, in reality you have the option of taking two things to 85% or one at 100% in the same time and with the same resources. The bulk of the production/investment in many things is at the front end. People look at my art and ask, ‘Is it done?’ I say, ‘I’m not totally sure, but I’m going to stop for a while.’ Sometimes you work too hard, trying to make it perfect, but when you look at it you think, ‘I overworked it, I had it but I lost it, the best stuff is now buried under worse stuff.’”
Millennial Handbook Lesson #1: How To Get Lucky Without A Plan is here.
Lesson 2: This Self-Made Woman 'Turns It On' To Get What She Wants is here.
Lesson #3: Only I Can Create This Opportunity For Myself is here.
Lesson #5: Be Your Own Number One is here.
Lesson #6: The Queen Bee's Sting Keeps Women From Getting To The Top is here.
Lesson #7: Why You Should 'Never Take No From Someone Who Can't Tell You Yes' is here.
