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Beyond Pie: A Shopping Guide For Pumpkin Lovers

This article is more than 8 years old.

Pumpkin season is upon us, permeating the very air we breathe. It touches all religions, the young and the old, the cheerful and the misanthropic. It's pumpkin’s time to captivate us in its cross-vertical marketing extravaganza that plays upon our most treasured sensory memories. Because, let’s face it. Pumpkin alone isn’t really much of anything. It’s what we add to it—the spices, sugar, condensed milk—that directly recalls deeply ingrained holiday sensations of pie. (Thinking fondly of my own Aunt Ann right now.) Pumpkin flavor offers a rarified mystique unlike any other. And everybody wants in.

I’ve always appreciated a scoop of pumpkin ice cream now and then, or a “limited time only!” pumpkin-flavored coffee. But this year, I decided to go Full Pumpkin. I wanted to become the authority on pumpkin-flavored everything and immerse myself in the hype. I invited a few friends over to help me sort through the myriad choices: Phil; Allen and his 3-year-old son; Quynh; Dave, plus his two small children and his parents, John and Betsey. Also participating: My four-year-old daughter, Grace, and my maltipoo puppy, Manuka.

The Great Pumpkin Tasting of 2015

There were two basic tenets of the analysis. The first was that the item had to be a pumpkin version of a regular thing. So, pumpkin pie was out, because pumpkin pie is it’s own entity, but pumpkin cereal was in. The second was that it had to be pretty much ready to eat, therefore, no pumpkin muffins or pancakes or anything that required other ingredients and assembly (but oatmeal or chai tea that required hot water only were OK). I scoured Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods and Von’s (a Safeway grocery chain in California) to  get a reasonable cross-section of foods at different price points and organic integrity that could be available nearly anywhere. You will, however, see more disproportionately more from Trader Joe’s in this list, simply because  Trader Joe’s celebrates pumpkin season like Texas celebrates the Cowboys, like San Francisco celebrates gay pride, like nerds celebrate Tesla’s birthday.

We each sat down with a spreadsheet of all the products and ranked them from 1 (eew, no thanks) to 10 (yes, oh God please yes!) with space to make comments. Not everyone tried everything, so the scores you’ll see in this very highly unscientific focus group are an average. We realized that if you don’t like, say, tortilla chips anyway, you’re likely to rank the pumpkin version lower. We also had a lot of pumpkin-flavored beer and cider on hand, but nobody in the crowd was a huge drinker, so we skipped those items. (Maybe another story for another time if I can round up some beer-drinking friends.)

So here, by category, is how our Pumpkinpalooza shook out by category, so you can shop with confidence, whether you're a pumpkin freak or simply post-pie-curious. YES! You CAN get that pasta sauce without fear! And no, for all that is holy, skip the pudding.

BEVERAGES

Califia Farms Pumpkin Spice Latte ($4.49):  I took a sip of this iced almond milk coffee, and whimpered out loud, to nobody, because I was alone, “Oh my God this is so good!” It’s the perfect blend of coffee, pumpkin and spices. Unless you're some kind of mad genius barista, you're not going to do any better on your own. Get it while you can. Score: 8

Pumpkin Kefir ($3.00): We all agreed that this tasted more peachy than pumpkiny, but it was still creamy, delicious, and a nice way to get those probiotics down. Score: 7.83

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte ($3.99): Too sweet, too powdery, and won’t go over well with people who actually love chai and make it at home. The pumpkin flavor is really just for its own sake here. A better value: Make your chai at home, it’s easy. Score: 5

BREAKFAST

Trader Joe’s Organic Pumpkin Toaster Pastries ($2.49): One of the most massively successful items in our test. Nice, flaky crust wraps around perfect smear of pumpkin jammy stuff inside. What’s not to love? Score: 8.75

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s ($2.49): A universal hit. The pumpkin is very subtle, so you could actually eat a box of this over a couple weeks and not get burned out with the novelty of it all. Score: 8.2

Siggi Pumpkin Spice Yogurt ($1.79): A hit! Who knew Iceland even had its own style of yogurt? Beautifully creamy texture with a sublime pumpkin undertone, missing the edginess of Greek yogurt. Score: 7.16

365 Pumpkin Spice Granola with Cranberries and Apples ($4.39): Hey, where’s the pumpkin? We couldn’t find it. There should be a disclaimer on this box that although it contains pumpkin seeds, there is zero pumpkin flavor. Good granola with a nice crunch, nonetheless. Score: 7.16

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Waffles ($1.99): These tasted like your regular toaster waffles, and though most were fine with them, we failed to find the pumpkin taste. Betsey, who was very generous in the rest of her scoring, had it out for these (and most other frozen waffles). “Cardboardy!” she said. A better value: Just add pie spice to your syrup over your regular waffles. Score: 5

Nature’s Path Flax Plus Organic Pumpkin Raisin Crunch ($2.99): Same as above, good cereal, but someone forgot to put in the pumpkin flavor. Very middle of the road. Score: 4.5

Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Instant Oatmeal (2.99): My daughter and I were the only ones to try this one, but upon ripping open the package, my initial sensory hit was, “potpourri section at Michael’s craft store.” The flavors were overpowering, as if someone had an unfortunate metric conversion accident during production. Grace, who loves oatmeal, took one bite, looked at me with sad big brown eyes, shook her head, and pushed away her bowl. I might stash a bowl of this in my bathroom, though. A better value: Make regular oatmeal at a fraction of the price and add pie spices to it, and maybe a little pumpkin puree. Score: 1

SALTY/SAVORY/MISC

Cucina Antica Tuscany Pumpkin Pasta Sauce ($7.99): This was the biggest surprise for all of us. I took it off the shelf, with full intention to do some major mocking. My mistake there, as it’s actually better than regular tomato sauce. It’s creamy, subtle, inventive and appropriate for kids and adults. Would be perfect on cheese ravioli. Trust us, just do it. It is pricey, yes, but I doubt you’d get the same value if you tried to make this magical elixir from scratch. (Check the website for mail-order specials.) Score: 8.83

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Tortilla Chips ($1.99): We thought these would be weird but we enjoyed the subtle time-release pumpkin flavor that lifts off at the end. Probably not something you’d have with salsa, but perhaps with hummus or a sweeter cream-cheese based dip? Score: 7

Imagine Organic Creamy Pumpkin Soup ($3.99): Perhaps the most divisive item for our jolly group. Betsey and John really liked this soup and thought it would be good served hot or cold. Allen felt like it needed massive amounts of seasoning to be presentable. A couple people would not eat it on a boat, with a goat, in the rain, on a train, in the dark, in a tree, in a car, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse, here or there. They would not eat this anywhere. Score: 5.5

Ricebliss Pumpkin Pie Pudding ($2.49): This was by far the most vehemently hated item of the bunch. I gave it two points for trying, but because it doesn’t have any gluten, eggs, dairy or much of anything else in it, it’s hard for it to be something--especially if  you're trying to live up to the concept of pudding. We wondered who eats this rice-based catastrophe, and Quynh suggested maybe it’s food people buy when they’re very ill and know they’ll be vomiting it out later, so they don’t want to ruin their taste for food they actually like. The texture and color are akin to rubber cement you’ve let set a while. Even the kids, who are generally cool with anything that has a modicum amount of sugar, expressed vitriol. I asked Grace what exactly the problem was, and she answered me, sighing as if I were the biggest eejit on the planet, “Because it’s yucky.” Gotta agree there. We couldn’t think of a way to get better value for this, unless it works to caulk your tub. Or, unless it’s the only food that will keep you alive. Score: 5.

Garden of Eatin’ Pumpkin Tortilla Chips ($2.00): Do these chips secretly aspire to be cinnamon rolls? I think Phil said it for all of us when he wrote: “Too sweet! Bad puns! No thanks!” A better value: See above. Score: 3.75

Plum Organics Pumpkin and Banana Organic Baby Food ($1.59): We’re just going to say pass/fail on this. I guess pass, though the banana overrode any pumpkin flavor that might be in there. Ask a baby if you need more details. A better value: Mash up a banana. Score: Pass

Whole Paws Pumpkin Small Dog Biscuits ($4.99): Pass/fail on this one too, as there was only one judge for this item: My dog, Manuka, who has oft turned her pointy little nose up at biscuit-style treats in the past. But she was all about these and shared some with our little dog neighbors. Score: Pass

CAKES, COOKIES, CRACKERS

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice Panettone ($4.99): Yes, only if you love food you’re pretty sure was made by angels. Fluffy and soft cakebread punctuated by nuggets of caramelized pumpkin is good on its own, but I’m also having visions of French toast and even P, B & J for this. I sliced it thin and layered it with cream cheese frosting, which was tremendously successful and will be my holiday fake cake to bring places this year. Score: 8.16

Trader Joe’s Iced Pumpkin Scone Cookies ($3.49): If you can get past the presentation—inglorious little lumps of beige, with beige icing—then you may actually enjoy the spice-cake flavor; these would carry over easily to the holidays if you froze them. Allen liked that they were bite-sized. Kudos to crafty TJ’s for calling them “scone cookies” to appeal to BOTH kinds of people. Score: 8.5.

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Cranberry Crisps ($3.99): We all agreed that these would be a novel addition to a cheese plate, and Phil, daredevil that he is, suggested trying them even with peanut butter. They’re not really the kind of thing you’d eat out of the bag, however. Score: 8

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Cheesecake ($6.99): If a pumpkin and a cheesecake had a baby, I guess this would be it. DNA from both sides, not too pumpkiny, not too cheesy. It’s like the nice, boring friend your parents want you to go to the prom with, but not your first choice to ride shotgun on a road trip to Vegas. Score: 6.25

Nestle Toll House Pumpkin Spice Morsels ($4.29): Betsey and Grace were the only ones who could get behind this. Betsey thought it would be acceptable if used in peanut butter cookies. I thought you could use it to perhaps ward off vampires with the acrid, chemical taste that feels more “burning tire” than “pumpkin goodness.” But maybe that’s just me? A better value: Make pumpkin bread or cookies from another mix. Score: 3.4

ICE CREAM

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato ($4.49): The highest-scoring item of all! We liked the eggnoggy flavor, and the little bits of pie crust or cookie mixed in. This went down really easily. A little too easily, actually. Will be stocking up. Score: 9

365 Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream Sandwiches ($4.99): This would make pretty much anybody happy in its innocent, unassuming form. It’s some cinnamon-heavy ice cream smashed between two graham-cracker-like pieces. No major offenses with this one. Score: 7.6

Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Ice Cream ($3.99): The Donald Trump of desserts, here’s where TJ’s decided to go big or go home.  Huge nutmeg and allspice hits and big sugary finish, it’s the kind of intensity that you’d need on the day your heart was dashed against the rocks and you were, simultaneously, served an eviction notice. I’d experiment with a whiskey-based adult milkshake for this one. Score: 6.6

What are your favorite pumpkin-flavored products? Let us know in the comments so we can get them on our radar, and in our bellies!

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