Do this. Don’t do that. Do this. But not that. Women looking to advance themselves, professionally or personally, are bombarded with advice on an almost daily basis. Recently I was asked to offer some advice and encouragement to women in the tech industry – but I only had five minutes. I found myself wondering how I could possibly impart anything of value in that short window? In longer form, here’s what I conveyed based on my own experience: follow your ABCs.
A is for Advocacy
One of the most beautiful things about women is that they are caretakers. Women can be ferocious when it comes to championing the interest of those they know and love – taking on injustices toward others, or raising their hand first when no one else has. But when it comes to self-advocacy, we often come up short. The fact of the matter is that people will only have as much confidence in you as you have in yourself. Self-advocacy is something most women struggle with, including me, and how good you are at it can affect opportunity, advancement and personal growth.
Women have been so conditioned not to push for their own needs or wants, or comfortably convey their talents and strengths, that when the time comes to put self-advocacy into play , it isn't surprising that it is often uncomfortable. My advice to those who struggle with self-advocacy? Treat self-advocacy like a muscle. Build a training plan and routinely do "reps" until it no longer feels uncomfortable. Start by asking friends and colleagues what they think your strongest qualities are – you may be surprised at positive qualities others see in you that you haven’t realized yourself.
Once you have a list, you are empowered and it’s time to practice. And I mean practice. Sit in front of a mirror and practice what you will say in a situation when you have to be your own best advocate. It takes time to build muscle and it will take time for you to grow more comfortable with the role of being your own best advocate. Like all things, practice and repetition leads to improved confidence and skill. So develop a personal training plan for your own self-advocacy and watch the doors of opportunity open wide.
B is for "Make a Big Bet"
Do you have a “Big Bet” for either your personal or professional life? A “North Star” if you will, that guides the many decisions that confront you every day? Decisions we make today can dramatically affect what happens down the road. The relationships you build, your professional affiliations, even how you spend your personal time all add up to significant investment. So the question is, to what end? If we’re not careful in life we can get “carried along” without stopping to check if our path is leading us closer to our life goals.
For me, there were two big bets that became my “true north” as I moved through my life and career – creating financial security and empowering others. Both of these life goals grew out of challenging personal circumstances. I was the youngest of four kids raised by a single Mom who, out of necessity, not choice, worked night shifts (and often day shifts too) to make ends meet for our family. Some days I would only see my mom for the hour between when I came home from school and she left for the night shift. So a very early big bet for me was to create enough financial security in my career that I could have choices about work once I started a family. Suddenly, self-advocacy and all decisions became guided by this big idea. It wasn’t so hard to ask for a raise, or negotiate a salary package at a new job, or sacrifice to build a nest egg because I was on a mission.
I also committed early on to a second big bet: to use my time and talents to empower people – as many people as possible, and the underserved in particular. I was a kid on full scholarship at a private school. That experience opened my eyes to the deep differences in opportunity and empowerment between the elite class and the world I was raised in. I originally imagined that a path as a lawyer working in the public sector might be the best way to achieve my big bet. But, interestingly, the winding road of life led me instead to a private sector career in technology where I had the true privilege of helping to empower millions of people through the power of the digital revolution and the Internet, and ultimately build a family foundation that today invests in people and ideas that can change the world. I’m not sure I would have taken the same risky steps I took along the way if I didn’t have the inner convictions that came from staying focused on one or two big goals.
It turns out that most big bets involve risk-taking of some sort along the way. Some data suggests that women can have a tendency to be less risk tolerant than men, but from where I sit this trait can be a friend or a foe to a woman, depending on where and how it is applied. In our roles as “protectors” of our children and others, it’s not just natural but indeed helpful to be mindful of risks. But as we shift to finding opportunities for advancement in life in professional careers and other contexts, risk-taking becomes imperative to advancing our interests. It’s important to understand where you fall on the risk tolerance curve and to ask yourself in different contexts whether taking a measured risk may hold the key to vaulting you forward. Try to push yourself more toward looking at all the positives that could come from taking risks rather than all the negatives (an easy default path); and be honest even about the risk of doing nothing.
In our Be Fearless work at the Case Foundation, we like to say, “be bold, take risks, make big bets and make history” and for most remarkable people you meet in life, they’ll tell you it was a “swing for the fences” idea that helped them break out and break through to do extraordinary things.
C is for Community
I often ask women what streams they are in. And I get funny looks. Women often wake up with many more things to do on their list than their male counterparts. Women are the “doers” and while men are taking on more and more responsibilities on the home front these days, it is still quite common for women to carry a disproportionate load. Unfortunately, an unintended consequence of this imbalance is that women often don’t have the same free time to dedicate to networks and professional affiliations, or even equivalent time to engage in valuable extracurricular activities such as holding a board seat, keeping up with trade news or casual get-togethers with colleagues.
Yet most successful people will tell you it is these very “streams” – networking, taking on leadership positions and relationship building – that can buoy one through life. I learned this lesson the hard way early in my career as I sat at a staff meeting and realized that my male colleagues had all been golfing together over the weekend and had built a consensus on some of the items on our agenda. I found myself growing incensed, but then I realized: wait, I can do that. Although I hadn’t played the sport, I would make sure I was a part of these unofficial staff gatherings on the links. Sure I couldn’t swing a golf club at first, but I could drive the golf cart and that was enough to keep me “in the streams” of critical conversation about things that mattered at work. So what are the streams you need to be in to advance opportunities for yourself? Do you spend time with people and organizations that can make a difference in your future? For some this might mean getting engaged in professional associations, for others, it might mean making a bold ask for a lunch, making more time to read or catch up on key trends in your business so you stay more informed. Whatever the “stream,” commit yourself to making a list of who you need to know and where you need to be to be in a good position to advance your interests. Maybe start with one action a week and before you know it, you may just find a community that will help to lift you up.
We are fortunate to be women. We have powerful qualities as a gender that are made even more powerful when championed together. But we should also call on one another to be all we can be individually – to self-advocate, to make a big bet and to build a stream of support to lift us up faster and closer to our highest aspirations, whatever they may be.
