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All right, parents. Your high school junior is starting the college search and admission process. Are you prepared? Take this Parents' Student Assistance Test (PSAT) to find out. Answers follow. Good luck!
1.You and your child, Sarah, are meeting with the college counselor for the first time. The counselor asks her, "Do you have any thoughts about college at this point?" You say:
a. "She's always wanted to go to Empyrean University. That's where her mother went."
b. "She doesn't really have any clue about college yet. It all seems so far away."
c. "We've talked about state college and that's about it."
d. Nothing.
2. The counselor asks you to talk about your son, Colin's, strengths. You say:
a. "I can't think of any offhand."
b. "He's not very good at science and I don't really see him at a strong school, just one where he can make connections."
c. "He's always been great at math but is too modest to brag about it."
d. "I guess he could do art or something like that."
3. You and the counselor are meeting one on one after Sarah has gone back to class. You say:
a. "I look forward to working with you. Please let me know what I can do to help."
b. "Sarah isn't very good at keeping deadlines or appointments. You'll have to chase after her."
c. "All my family members have gone to State U.; I expect Sarah to go there as well."
d. "I know the president of Empyrean University..."
4. You worry it will be tough for Colin to get into college even though he has a 3.79 GPA, a 2100 SAT score, is a top baseball player and has won awards for his longtime community service project organizing fellow students to tutor grade schoolers at the Y. You
a. Start signing him up on as many college websites and search engines as you can.
b. Sit down and talk with him about what he'd like to do regarding the process.
c. Buy a dozen "How to Get Into College" books and leave them strategically placed around the house.
d. Tell her him can get in anywhere he wants.
5. Even though it's still early in the process, you worry that Colin isn't taking it seriously enough. He never mentions college; he just wants to play chess and read Russian novels. You
a. Bring up college at every meal just to make sure you're all on the same wavelength.
b. Start examining his homework, grades and activities to make sure they're up to par.
c. Let him know you'll support him as needed through the process.
d. Criticize him for being lazy and not caring about his future.
6. At a cocktail party, you hear that Bob Crachit's daughter got into Empyrean University last year because of her essays. You immediately
a. Do nothing because no one really knows why any particular student was admitted anywhere.
b. Begin looking for an editor.
c. Find the essay topics and tell Colin to do rough drafts even though it's still February.
d. Buy ten books about essays that got students into top colleges.
7. You've read that Empyrean University and those like it accept fewer than 10% of their applicants and it seems to get worse all the time. You
a. Panic. Sarah won't get in anywhere; she'll end up living at home and working at McCheesey's.
b. Recall that there are many great college options and that most American colleges and universities accept more than 50% of their applicants.
c. Start to strategize about how to be one of the 10%.
d. Tell Sarah she needs to start another service project.
8. It seems like a good time to visit some colleges. What's the best way to do that?
a. Randomly, to get an idea of what colleges are like.
b. After Colin has developed a list of schools he thinks he might like.
c. On the spur of the moment, even before Colin's had a chance to look at the school's offerings.
d. Cram as many schools as possible into a week's travel during spring break.
9. After several meetings and discussions, Sarah's college counselor has given her a list of schools she might want to look at. Empyrean University is not one of them. How do you react?
a. Call the counselor and demand to know why he thinks your daughter isn't good enough for Empyrean U.
b. Add it yourself and focus on it above all the others.
c. Realize that a college list isn't an evaluation of a student, it's the result of those meetings and discussions and an estimate of "fit" between student and institution.
d. Call the principal to find out what's going on at that school.
10. Colin has really begun to take the college process seriously and you're pleasantly surprised. How can you best keep his momentum going?
a. Congratulate him on the job he's doing and ask what his opinions of the process and various colleges are.
b. Pressure him to do more because it's such a highly competitive market.
c. Warn him about the other students in his class who may be his rivals.
d. Buy more college and test prep books and sign him up on more websites.
Answers
1. (d.) Don't answer for your child. Doing so takes away his or her sense of control over the situation, which is tough enough as it is. Instead, sit back and listen to what's being said. Your child is becoming an adult in front of your eyes. Enjoy the transformation.
2. (c.) Be positive about your child's talents and abilities, especially in front of others. Take inventory before a meeting and find positives. It might be personality instead of academics or commitment to an activity, but be sure there's something.
3. (a.) As I mentioned in my last post, you and the college counselor are allies, not enemies. Counselors aren't magicians or babysitters, nor are they gatekeepers. They help students achieve their goals as much as they can. Sometimes they have to deliver bad news or calculate probabilities you won't like based on years of experience. ("Colin's numbers put him in the lower half of Empyrean's applicant pool, so he may not have much of a chance to get in.") Always keep lines of communication open.
4. (b.) It's important to focus on Colin's or Sarah's thoughts and feelings about the process, especially at the beginning when it's still very mysterious and vaguely threatening. Treat them like adults. Doing so signals you're supportive and available for moral support. The mechanics will take care of themselves, and in the process you may have some great and revealing conversations.
5. (c.) In my experience, boys take to the college process much more slowly than girls, which is why I used Colin here. It's a tough call, but if you can stand to let him take things at his own pace (except for hard deadlines, of course), adopt a hands off approach. Girls tend to be more organized, but the same principle applies.
6. (a.) No matter what anyone says, unless they were on the admission committee there's no way they know why a particular student was accepted or rejected. It's easy to speculate, but you're better off ignoring gossip and smiling quietly to yourself. Regardless, the conditions for admission last year may be vastly different from this year.
7. (b.) Institutions that accept below 20% or 10% of their applicants make the news, but the majority of American colleges and universities take over 50% of their applicants. This ratio has become a shorthand for "quality," but an excellent institution in a less-than-desirable location, for example, will have to do more to make its class.
8. (b.) Don't waste time visiting colleges randomly and don't try to see eight in a week. Visits shouldn't happen until Colin and Sarah have some ideas about specific schools and have done their research into programs, activities, and so on. Target a region, if possible, and plan on no more than four in a week. Once you've seen four cupolas or "Old Mains" they'll start to blur anyway. Make it as relaxed a journey as possible, with plenty of downtime to see local sights or sleep in.
9. (c.) A good college list comes from discussions about goals, interests, personality, activities, academic and career aims, and many imponderables. Empyrean may not be on the list because Sarah doesn't want to go there or it's simply unlikely that she'll be admitted. The counselor is using professional judgment in the latter case.
10. (a.) One of the best things you can do is listen to your own Colin or Sarah as they go through the process and enjoy seeing them take responsibility for their choices. Allowing them to speak their minds about different colleges or explore possible careers without instant judgment can open up a world of possibilities, not just for the college process itself, but for your relationship with your child. Parents who can honestly say, "I want you to be happy and successful. How can I help?" will both stun their children and advance their maturation.
Incidentally, nearly all the suggested responses, good and bad, are based on my experiences as a college admission officer or college counselor. For a more comprehensive look at parent-child relationships during this process, I recommend College Admissions Together: It Takes a Family by Steven Roy Goodman and Andrea Leiman. It's a very sane and solid guide to getting through the process in one piece as a family.
