Many of us can relate to the old story about the frog in the pot of water. Supposedly if you put a frog into a pan of water on the stove when the water is only lukewarm, you can turn the heat up gradually and boil the frog before he notices that things are getting hot.
I can't tell you for sure that this approach works because I've never tried it, having no desire to cause any discomfort to a frog!
People behave the same way. Once we're in a work environment, we tend to tune out the signals that tell us "This culture is getting worse and worse" until things are horrible and beyond repair. We tell ourselves lies about the company culture because it's inconvenient to hear the truth.
We'd rather not change jobs. A job hunt is a major pain in the neck. We delude ourselves and say "Maybe when my boss goes on maternity leave things will get better" or "Maybe if I just focus on the work on my desk, I can ignore the drama and the politics."
This is nonsense. In the history of mankind a broken corporate culture has never gotten better on its own. Your two choices are to leave the organization or to name the elephant on the table and let some air into the conversation.
Both options take grit and nerve. Whichever path you choose, you're going to have to step into something that feels scary. It might be scary to launch a stealth job search while you are still working at the toxic job.
It will definitely be scary to name the elephant and confront the toxic culture issue -- but isn't life all about stepping into new situations, and conquering your fear? That's the only way you will get stronger.
A lot of people don't believe that you can shift a toxic culture but that is false, because I have seen it happen many times. The way to begin to soften up and warm up a negative, brittle culture is to notice the leaders' pain. People in pain act like idiots and jerks.
When you notice the pain your leaders are feeling and you offer to help them feel better, you can get them to soften and stop behaving like angry children.
I had a horrible boss who treated me and the other employees like dirt. I used to get so mad that I would cry in my car driving home from work. One day my boss called me into her office after a particularly nasty staff meeting where she had yelled at two or three of my colleagues.
"Can you believe the way they talk to me?" she said, nearly shouting, looking for my sympathy.
"It can't be any fun for you to have so much conflict in our meetings," I said. I was about 27. I was old enough and just barely experienced enough to be ready to try something different from my usual pretend-it-isn't-happening approach.
"What do you mean?" asked my boss, not sure at that moment whether I looked more like friend or foe. "Just that it's got to be stressful for you to have shouting matches in our team meetings," I said.
"Well, what would you do if you were me?" she asked in a frustrated tone, and I slipped through the opening she'd given me.
"What if you tried to stay calm and said 'Obviously what we're doing to solve these problems isn't working,'?" I said. "Could that have a better outcome?" I coached my boss, the way people coach their bosses every day.
My boss realized she wasn't going to be successful blustering and yelling at everyone.
Little by little over about three months she morphed back into her human form. She started behaving like a person again.
You can do the same thing!
Here are six signs your company culture is toxic. Do any of these sound familiar?
There is Only One Way to Do Things (the Boss's Way)
Companies hire people because the managers can't do everything themselves. It stands to reason that we should trust the people we hire to do their jobs, but some fearful managers can't give up control.
They have to make all the decisions and call all the shots. A rule-driven, command-and-control culture is a toxic culture that will drive talented people away.
Everyone's Number One Goal is to Avoid Getting Yelled At
In a toxic culture, people are very tuned into their managers' moods. We heard from Amy, an HR Generalist whose Director was a fearful tyrant. Amy said "Employees poke their heads into our department and signal the question 'Is Cruella de Ville at work today?"
We either nod at them if our boss is here, or shake our heads if she's not in the office. It's only when our Director is out of the HR department that people will come in and talk to us!" That's a toxic culture. The ruling planet at work should be fear, not trust!
No One Wants to Hear Your Ideas
You know your job better than anyone else does. In a healthy culture, people will ask you "How do you think we should proceed? How should we solve this problem?" In a toxic culture, nobody wants your opinion.
They've already decided how you should do your job -- they feel no need to ask you what you think!
There are Secrets Everywhere
You know your culture is broken when you walk into a room where people are talking and suddenly they go silent. You know your culture is broken when your boss's door is always closed.
When you don't know what the plan is, whether your job is secure or what you can expect from week to week at your job, it's time to get your resume on the street. Who can do their best work in silence and darkness?
People Come and Go and No One Cares
Our client Nathan got a call from a headhunter about a job opening at a company we'll call Acme Explosives. "This job sounds familiar," said Nathan. "I interviewed with these people three months ago, and I never heard anything back from them."
"Good news for you," said the recruiter. "They hired someone and he didn't work out!"
"You call that good news?" asked Nathan. "Some poor schmoe got the job and they bounced him and only then do they stoop to contact me? No thanks!" In a toxic culture, managers assume that employees will flow in and out all the time. Sometimes they don't even bother to remember their staff members' names.
In a toxic workplace, employees are interchangeable. Don't get sick or injured in a place like this, or you might take a few weeks off and have no job when you return!
Your Body Rebels
Your body is the best barometer of the health or un-health of the company you work for. If you can't sleep at night, your jaw aches in the morning from gritting your teeth all night or you're plagued by an upset stomach or headaches, it's time to move along!
Your career deserves better. Your personal life deserves better, too. There's no paycheck big enough to compensate you for burying your feelings every day at work, and no reason for you to stick around in a toxic culture for another week, much less a year or more.
Consider this your message from the universe: only the people that get you, deserve you!
