Do you consider yourself successful? This question came up during a recent business dinner with a group of leaders, and the collective response caught me off guard.
While I simply thought, “Yeah, I guess,” others went on explaining the flaws that hampered their success. Although I considered everyone at the table to be a very successful leader, I realized we all have different perceptions of personal success and different metrics for gauging it.
Here are the seven main standards of success brought up during our dinner that every leader should excel at:
1. A Healthy Relationship With Yourself
Yes, I know this might sound too lovey-dovey, but this response stood out to me. It came from the global chairman of a large company who mentioned that he’s still working on his relationship with himself. This initially surprised me, and before I jokingly tried to hold hands and sing “Kumbaya,” I thought about it more and realized he was right. I do the same thing: I give myself a hard time for missing out on an opportunity or making a simple mistake. But it’s important to consider your own well-being and what’s worthwhile for your career and yourself.
Someone once told me, “The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself,” and I couldn’t agree more. Success ultimately hinges on how you internalize every experience. You wouldn’t berate your best friend for a minor blip — you’d work through the situation and help that person grow from it. Treat yourself the same way.
2. A Gratifying Family Life
Are you a good wife, dad, aunt, cousin, godfather, etc.? The idea of family looks starkly different for each person, but it boils down to treating the people most important to you well.
Are you there for them when they need you? Do you make a concerted effort to improve their lives? Do you try to maintain a meaningful relationship or simply go through the motions? It’s hard to celebrate and appreciate your own successes when your home life is at a low point. Consider taking the first step in reaching out or actively keeping up with family members this year. Recently, I took the initiative to plan a trip with a variety of family members. In the past, I’d been so caught up in my work that I never made the effort.
3. A Fair Wage
Money doesn’t create happiness, right? Well, let’s be honest — it might not create happiness, but money can certainly offset the stress of larger issues like mortgage payments or putting your kids through college.
However, it’s important to find a balance where your wage is in line with your performance. Even if a leader makes millions each year for delegating work to others, that doesn’t constitute success. You feel rewarded when you receive a wage fit for the work you put in and can pay others generously while recognizing their hard work.
4. Good Health
When you’re consumed with business as usual, it’s easy to let your health slip. I just got my first physical and blood test in 10 years. All tests came back normal, except I finally discovered why I wasn’t sleeping well, and I am so grateful I did. This will make a world of a difference in my mood and overall daily performance.
Succeeding in health is similar to how you’d treat a nice car. Do preventative maintenance by eating healthy and exercising often, and don’t forget to get regular checkups so you’re not missing underlying issues that could be affecting your performance.
5. A Fulfilling Career Path
While many business leaders might spend more time at work than with their families like myself, that’s not necessarily an indicator of success. You have to enjoy how you’re spending the majority of your life to truly feel accomplished. Some of the happiest people I know don’t make much money, but they love what they do. It’s hard to find the ideal situation. While work inevitably brings its challenges, if you don’t find a sense of satisfaction in your daily work, you should probably consider a career switch.
When I was younger, I left a position specifically because of the culture. I actually liked my job, but the company leaders and I had very different ideas of how to treat people, so the switch needed to happen to preserve my happiness and sanity. However, in other work scenarios, I’ve let one small task or issue eat away at me, which ended up costing me sleep and additional stress. Accepting these minor concerns has substantially increased my happiness at work. Decide whether the annoyance is worth accepting or searching elsewhere could minimize your stress and revive your positive outlook on life.
6. Respect for Others
I’ve worked for and alongside many wealthy business leaders, but unfortunately, many didn’t earn the respect of their staff or colleagues. Sometimes, it’s obvious whether they just lack self-awareness, don’t respond well to feedback, or really don’t give a shit.
When you strip away the ego, you end up seeing that these people aren’t truly happy. It’s natural to want to feel appreciated and respected and treat others the same way, so if that’s not there, it can leave a big hole in your feeling of success.
7. Contentment With Your (Brag-Free) Lifestyle
I’ve said several times recently that I like to live a “call liquor” life. For example, when I go to a wedding reception, I’m typically content with a Jack Daniel’s or an inexpensive glass of wine — even if high-end options are offered. I don’t necessarily want the cheapest or the most expensive.
There are needs in life, and there are wants. Most of us are lucky to simply have what we need because not everyone does. The most successful people in my book are the ones who aren’t driven by their egos, but by what makes them feel content. Others consider themselves successful if they’re always getting a new Ferrari and sharing pictures of it all day. Are you really successful if you need to constantly share photos of the your new car that most can’t afford?
I’ve started grading myself in each of these areas and plan to ask others to do the same so I can hold myself accountable. Each quarter, I’ll reevaluate and see where I’m out of balance. I hope this can serve as a reminder to reflect on your work-life balance and account for ways you can find success as a leader.
John Hall is the CEO of Influence & Co., a company that specializes in expertise extraction and knowledge management that are used to fuel marketing efforts.
