Have you ever met someone who convinced you they were really good at something – who seemed to know all about it, and could talk a great game -- but then when they were put in a situation where they had to demonstrate their expertise…you found there was simply no “there” there.
It happens all the time: when people who are great at interviewing get hired and then can’t do the job; when people on American Idol tell the judges how fantastic they are and then can’t sing; when a friend assures you he or she can definitely teach you to ski/get you an interview/show you how to use that new app – and then can’t.
I’ve come to believe that we’re dealing with two problems here: First, most people aren’t very accurate in how they see themselves. We often convince ourselves we are who we would like to be. I bet you can think of times, just in the past few days, when friends or colleagues have told you something they believe about themselves and you’ve thought, You think you’re like that? You’re so not. If you’re interested in self-awareness as key to learning, I wrote another post about that – you’re welcome to read it here.
But I want to talk with you about the second problem – it’s very interesting to me because it’s less recognized and less obvious. Here it is: I’m convinced that the reason many people can’t do what they say they can is that they don’t make a distinction between knowing something conceptually and knowing how to do that thing.
Let me say that again, because I think it’s important, and it's easy to overlook: understanding something intellectually is not the same as being able to do it, and – too often – we think that it is. Learning to make this distinction – between having learned about something and having learning how to do that thing – is critical. And it’s especially key to career success.
A few years ago, I was asked to coach a very, very smart young executive who had graduated from a highly prestigious college and an even more prestigious MBA program. This guy knew everything there was to know – intellectually – about leadership. He’d read a zillion books, could explain every management theory, and had a highly developed philosophy about leadership. His company put him straight into a VP position, even though he hadn't really managed people before. Unfortunately, his boss quickly realized that this guy's very impressive conceptual grasp of leadership and management theory wasn’t translating into on-the-job ability. His people were giving him very low marks as a leader and manager, and he wasn’t able to bring his team together to achieve results. His boss suggested he work with a coach.
During our first meeting, this young exec told me about his background: his impressive education and his own extracurricular focus on learning about the most highly regarded management and leadership theories. He seemed confident, articulate and upbeat – if I hadn’t already seen the feedback from his team, his peers, and his boss, I probably would have assumed that he was an excellent manager and leader.
When I shared that not-so-great feedback, he was taken aback. “But I’ve talked to my team about good management, and they seem to agree with the ideas we’ve shared. I don’t understand what the problem is.”
Suddenly I got it: this very bright young man was assuming that understanding the tenets of good leadership was the same as being a good leader.
So I cut right to the chase. “A lot of leadership books talk about listening as being a foundational skill for good leadership.” I noted. He nodded enthusiastically, and told me about a book he’d read recently that made a particularly good case for listening as a core leadership skill.
“How are you as a listener?” I asked.
He looked puzzled. “Good, I think – why?”
“In reviewing the feedback you’ve gotten from your folks, it sounds as though they don’t feel heard by you. They’re saying that you don’t seem open to their ideas; that you interrupt and disagree with them quite often. And they say the meetings they have with you consist mostly of you talking to them. That sounds to me like you’re not doing much listening.”
After just a few more examples of the dissonance between what he was understanding and advocating, and what he was actually doing, he got it (he was a smart guy). “Oh my god,” he said, “I’m just like my friend George who thinks he’s a great writer because he can critique others’ writing and talk on and on about what makes great writing!”
And as soon as he had his ah-ha, we could do something about it. We spent the majority of our time together after that focusing on teaching him the actual skills of management and leadership. He learned how to listen; to make clear, mutually understood performance agreements with people; to give accurate, hearable feedback; and to delegate. He learned how to articulate his vision for the future of his department, and to invite his people to work together to plan how to get there and to implement those plans.
We did a lot of practicing – he would bring a real situation where he wanted to delegate something, for instance. I’d share a simple model with him for how to do that skill, he’d try it, I’d give him feedback, he’d try it again and get better.
At one point he said, “Learning to lead and manage is a lot like learning to play tennis or to cook. You actually have to learn to behave in new ways.”
Again, exactly.
If you can also make that distinction in your own work life – between knowing something conceptually and actually being able to behave in the new ways that conceptual understanding implies – and then if you can take the steps needed (observe, practice, get feedback) to learn to behave in those new ways, your potential for growth will be nearly unlimited.
We think of it as “high-payoff learning”; learning that changes your capabilities. When leadership and management training focuses on teaching real skills, people get better. When internal development or coaching programs focus on increasing people’s abilities (versus simply raising their awareness), people get better.
And in this era, with all of our jobs and companies changing faster than ever before, being able to do this kind of high-payoff learning is key to your success.
So, the next time someone asks you, “Can you…?” Stop and ask yourself: do you just know about it – or can you actually do it?
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