I started working full-time when I was nineteen. My parents said "You don't have to go back to college next fall if you don't want to, but if you don't go back to college then you have to support yourself." That looked like a good deal to me.
I worked in the customer service department of a startup greeting card company, although I never heard the word "startup" while I worked there. I didn't hear the word "startup" until I moved into high-tech companies.
When I was twenty, I got promoted to supervisor of customer service.
As a new supervisor I went to a bunch of workshops that were supposed to teach me how to supervise people. Here's what we talked about:
- Timesheets
- Attendance policies
- Time management
- Constructive criticism
- Rewards and punishments
Not once did a workshop leader mention why a supervisor is there in the first place. A manager's job is to listen to the employees and represent their interests to the higher-up people who don't get to hear from the employees first-hand. That was my job as the supervisor in customer service.
Since I was promoted to supervisor of customer service in 1980 I've been to hundreds of leadership workshops. Very seldom if ever do we talk about managerial integrity.
We don't talk about how easy it is to knuckle under and go along with whatever the higher-up bosses tell us to do, and how hard it is to tell the truth in the moment. That's the most important part of being a manager!
It's easy to wimp out and implement a policy that a higher-up manager gives you to follow, even if the policy makes no sense and will ultimately hurt your business. It's easier to go along, but it's wrong. It's cowardly.
Going along with stupid ideas doesn't only irritate the employees who work for you. It hurts you, too -- mentally and physically. You become weaker when you suck it up and say "Okay, Boss - whatever you want!" just because you don't want to stand up and speak your truth.
If you work for a cowardly manager, you're in the wrong job. You can complain to your spouse or your cat about your bad situation at work, but the responsibility to fix it lies with you.
You have to get a new job or take on the thankless task of helping your manager see how his or her cowardly ways are hurting your team, your company, the company's customers and shareholders and your manager him- or herself.
The first step is to see that you're spinning your wheels working for a wimpy manager whose ethical compass is out of whack. Here are the signs (using masculine pronouns for readability):
Five Signs Your Manager Is a Coward
If It Comes from Above, I'm Good with It
When your manager gets an email message or a verbal instruction from his or her boss, does your manager take the time to evaluate it and share his thoughts, or does he just say "Well, here are our instructions -- let's go!" Blind obedience is the opposite of leadership.
A manager who knows himself considers every new piece of information, including instructions from people above him, and shares his views.
If your manager immediately jumps into action to implement every new policy and guideline that anybody dreams up on the executive floor, then he's just a chief worker bee --not a leader.
He Apologizes for Wimping Out, Even While He's Doing It
Cowardly managers will expect you to understand why they never stand on their principles. They expect you to understand why they keep their mouth shut when bad things are happening.
They will tell you "I have a kid to get through college!" or "You don't know how evil Marissa can get when someone bucks her!" They rationalize like crazy, the way we all do when we are afraid to tell the truth.
You can't learn from a spineless manager. Maybe he showed up on your path to signal you that you're wasting your time in that job!
He Tells Everybody What They Want to Hear
Our client Sharon went to dinner with her manager for a once-a-year, out-of-the-office catch-up meeting.
"We went deep into the vault over dinner," said Sharon. "My boss Blake finally opened up about his true feelings regarding Celine, our insane and destructive Director. Blake told me how he's dealing with her.
"He laid out a timeline and a plan for getting Celine off our backs and focused on her actual job description. I feel so much better!"
"Have you ever seen Blake speak truthfully to Celine, or heard of him doing that?" we asked.
"Honestly, no, but he sure sounded ready to do it when we had dinner on Friday night," said Sharon.
There is a saying about wine and truth-telling: In vino veritas (in wine there is truth). The trouble is that Blake doesn't drink wine when he's meeting with Celine in her office!
Sharon gave Blake three months to tackle the Celine problem, but he never did it. Blake is used to telling Celine what she wants to hear. At dinner he told Sharon what she wanted to hear. Blake is a master of telling people what they want to hear -- but don't expect him to tell anyone the truth!
I'm Not Risking Political Capital for Anyone!
I had a manager who told me point-blank "I'm not risking my political capital for you!" By then I was a little older and I knew something about selling ideas upstream. I took a tip from Leo DiCaprio in "Inception" and I planted an idea in my boss's mind.
"This idea you're telling us the VP came up with is beyond stupid, as you have already pointed out. The customers will go nuts if we put this policy in place. The VP will rip your face off. At that moment, are you going to tell the VP 'But it was your idea in the first place!'?
"You are paid for your expertise and our VP respects you. What if you told the VP right now that this idea sucks eggs, and that with a little more conversation we can accomplish the VP's goals without making our customers hate us?"
My manager thought about it -- he thought about the risks to himself in implementing the brainless new policy vs. re-opening the topic for discussion - and he finally made the right call.
He'll Throw You or Anyone Under the Bus
The surest sign of a gutless manager is their ease throwing employees under the bus to save themselves. When a person shows you how easily they can back-stab an employee for political purposes, it's time to get your resume out on the street.
Once you see a manager throw someone under the bus, expect to be next, but don't wait around for that to happen!
Life is long, and the working world is changing. The Human Workplace is already here.
You can set your sights higher than working for a cowardly manager who will never grow your flame. If your manager shows the signs we've listed here, there's no time to hesitate!
Remember that only the people who get you, deserve you. Why not go find the people who get you, starting right now?
