What Will It Take To Make Gender Equality The Norm, Not The Exception?

The feminist movement has got a bad rap because it’s been mired by imagery of angry women railing at men for the fact that we don’t have it as good as them – that we don’t "have it all" and they do.

But that’s untrue. Men don’t have it all either. Whatever all means.

The truth is that feminism is not about making women’s lives more like men’s. It’s not about making women more like anyone!  It’s about liberating women to choose to have and to be whatever they truly want.

As wide as the gender gap still is around the globe, women (or at least many women) have more choices today than ever before in history. We can choose to pursue ambitious career aspirations. We can stay at home to take care of children. We can opt into the juggle of combining career and family. Or we can opt not to have children at all.   Clearly there are many women who’ve broken that ‘glass ceiling’ and shown that women can sit at the top seats of power if they have the skill required and the determination to do it. Not only that, but  when women occupy at least 33% of those seats, the decisions being made produce better outcomes for everyone.

But, as with every choice, there is always a trade-off. And if we spend fifty hours a week in a demanding job, that’s 50+ hours we aren’t spending somewhere else. The struggle many modern women have is reconciling ourselves with the trade-offs of our choices when two mutually exclusive choices both hold strong appeal.   Social conditioning has meant that men wrestle less with the trade offs of combining career and parenthood than women.  By virtue of that, they are more liberated. The term ‘fathers-guilt’ has not been coined for a reason. They aren’t burdened by it. Which brings me to the point of this article:

What will it take to truly liberate women and create a world where gender equality is the norm, not the exception?

As Debora Spar, President of Barnard College and host of the annual Global Women’s Leadership Symposium shared with me, “ We need to reframe the question from ‘Can women have it all? ’ to ‘How can we support women in being more successful at whatever choice they decide to make?’”

There is a complex web of factors and forces that sustain the status quo for women. Four of the biggest challenges, and therefore opportunities, still facing women today are:

• Sexism. While there is much more awareness today about gender discrimination, it’s still alive and well in America, albeit much more subtle than in other countries across the globe. Much more needs to be done to make men more aware of where unconscious bias hurts women, and to stamp out misogyny wherever it exists.

• Workplace flexibility. Sure, many organisations today are now more focused on providing greater flexibility for women (and their partners) to allow them to tend to the needs of their family while also fulfilling their commitments at work. However, many workplaces are yet to adapt their policies and systems to support women (and men!) who need flexibility. The statistics are compelling. It’s when women decide to start a family that many also make the decision that they cannot ‘have it all.’ At least not at the same time as raising their children.The juggling act (and income) are often simply not work it!

• Affordable quality childcare. Hand and hand with a lack of flexibility is a lack of quality childcare. With the exception of Scandinavian countries where childcare is free up to school age, one of the biggest deterrents for women considering whether to stay at work is a paucity of acceptable childcare options.   More government funding needs to be channeled in this direction if we ever hope to see more women fulfilling their potential outside the home.  Period.

• Social norms. Let’s face it, until it’s just as okay for a man to leave work early to pick up the kids, to stay home when a child is sick, take paternity leave when a baby arrive in the family, to plan the weekly menu, do the weekly shop or even to organize a five year olds birthday, women will still carry the burden of traditional “women’s work” on the home-front. Scandinavia’s mandatory paternity leave may seem like a remote possibility in the US, but its success (just like its success in providing free childcare) should at least warrant it more consideration. It’s fair to argue women will be more successful at work when men are socially more supported to support them in staying there.

Of course on top of the external challenges women face, there are also significant internal barrios women must over come. Women are innately less aggressive than men which, while making us natural peace makers, can also make us less willing to step into situations that could involve confrontation, ruffle feathers or rock the boat. Certainly there is a lot of research that shows that women can be tenacious when it comes to advocating for others, but they are often reticent to advocate or negotiate for themselves. Something I discuss in this clip from a recent speech I gave at an Ernst & Young Women's Leadership event.

Equipping women with the hard skills to engage more assertively in negotiations, to push back against consensus despite their innate strength for collaboration, and to be more adept with taking risk will help women to help themselves in gaining the recognition, earning the salary and enjoying the equality of opportunity they deserve.

Women make formidable leaders and have a vital role to play in tackling the biggest challenges facing our world today.  Creating an environment that not only emboldens women to think bigger about what is possible for them and to pursue their ambitions more bravely, but to provide them with the policy infrastructure and societal support to do so is essential if we are to create better future for our daughters and our sons in the generations to come.

As I wrote in my column for International Women’s Day Closing The Gender Gap Is Everyone’s Business, we must each do our part and not abdicate responsibility to the many men, and few women, who hold the highest positions of power. Only when those of us – male and female alike - with the opportunity to speak up, lean in, and be outspoken advocates for change wield our power fully, can those women born into cultures that deprive them of power ever hope to exercise theirs.

Margie Warrell has a strong passion for empowering women through RawCourage.TV. Learn more about out her new book BRAVE: 50 Everyday Acts of Courage To Thrive In Work, Love & Life.