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The 2 Most Passive Aggressive Words In Business

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There is a reason why these two introductory words are rarely, if ever, said aloud – maintaining emotional neutrality during the sentences that follow would be a challenging feat for even the most communicatively adept. But they regularly show up in emails, typically positioned as a friendly reminder and laden with bitter subtext. We’ve all received them. And for those of you who’ve fallen into the habit of using these words when communicating with colleagues, consider this a helpful warning – because when you begin a sentence with “Per my…” what you’re really saying is:

Listen to me!

I feel invisible, and my feelings are hurt. The first time I said it didn’t seem to do the trick, so I’m following up with a second email referencing what I previously said, and I think you’re kind of an idiot for not remembering. I know I’m being ignored and I’m not sure why, so I’m just going to keep trying to communicate the same thing in slightly different ways until someone eventually listens. Have I mentioned that I think you’re an idiot, and wasting valuable time by not hearing me out?

Give me credit!

I am the source of brilliance, and should be acknowledged as such. I feel frustratingly undervalued, and I’m worried that someone else will claim credit for my ideas. I reference my previous ideas to ensure there’s a digital trail should this happen. I’m intensely competitive, slightly paranoid, and very career-driven. Ownership is important to me, and I’m less of a team player than I pretend to be. My parents raised me saying I was special, and I don't understand why everyone else doesn't treat me like I am.

It’s not my fault!

I was right all along, and everyone else needs to know that. I secretly enjoy feeling righteous, and relish the opportunity to position myself as superior. I create separation from others involved in any kind of controversy as a way of protecting myself from potential repercussions. I’ve officially stopped pretending to be a team player; I am primarily concerned with my job security, and future. I realize my co-workers will probably talk sh*t about me at happy hour, and I’m willing to accept that in the name of being right.

I’m never going away!

I can’t believe you haven’t responded to me yet. How rude! I feel entitled, and impatient. I’ve made multiple attempts to connect with you to no avail, but I refuse to see your non-response as an intentional boundary. I am following up again to make clear that I’ll never stop bothering you about this subject until you respond. I’m persistent bordering on creepy, and have convinced myself you’ll see this as a character attribute to justify my continued stalking.

Indeed, I would like to propose the end of  “Per my…” in all future email correspondence. Instead, let's practice embracing a less resentful and competitive mindset, and work on having a bit more trust in our ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other. Let's give others the benefit of the doubt, and remember that everyone is doing the best they can to retain information in an increasingly chaotic and multi-tasking world. That person you’re angry with for not remember what you said yesterday is probably busy being angry with someone else for not remembering what they said. And underlying this kind of behavior is a fairly basic fear: our needs won't be met unless we manipulate and control situations to our advantage. This is a false and destructive belief, and doesn’t bode well to creating a collaborative work environment. Instead, let's cultivate curiosity and use that positive energy to propel us forward. And if you find yourself tempted to begin an email with “Per my…” might I suggest you pause, process your emotions, and take a less passive aggressive approach.