When we were kids, we used to play the 'dead weight' game - where you'd go absolutely limp on the ground and see how hard it was for your friends to lift you up. We found it unaccountably hilarious.
In later life, I became fascinated about this phenomenon: Why does a person who's gone limp seem to weigh so much more than a live one? (If you've ever tried to get a sleeping child out of a car seat, you know what I mean.) It seems the main difference is that conscious people "help" you lift them: they shift their center of gravity, put their arms around your neck, keep their back straight or bend their legs. An unconscious person does none of that.
I was just reading a post here on Forbes by Margie Warrell about disengaged employees, and how managers can re-engage them. Her advice is spot-on: she proposes that if leaders connect with and inspire their people, and 'embolden' them to be courageous, they'll re-engage.
But as I was reading, I realized that - sadly - there are some employees who aren't "engageable." Just like in our kids' game of dead weight, there were some kids who wouldn't quit playing long after it stopped being funny. They stayed limp and unmovable, no matter what the rest of us did.
I was doing a radio show a couple of weeks ago, talking about the 6 attributes of the accepted leader. One guy called in and said, "I completely agree with you, and I'm trying my best to be those things: farsighted, passionate, courageous, wise, generous and trustworthy. It's working really well with all my folks except this one woman. We've got a great team, other than her - but I just can't get her to join in: she's cynical, negative, does just what's asked of her and no more." I asked him a couple of other questions; it seemed as though he was a straightforward, well-intentioned guy who was leading quite skillfully.
Finally I said, "it may not be possible to get her engaged - if you want a fully present and positive team, she might not be the person you need in that role."
I think this is important for sincere leaders to know: some people won't stop playing the 'dead weight' game despite your best efforts. If you are truly being the best leader and manager you know how to be, and everyone who works for you is 'with you' (helping you lift!) except for one or two - those people may simply not be willing to become engaged.
And it's OK to let those people go. I've seen way too many thoughtful, hopeful, skillful managers and leaders get held hostage to their very worst employees: spending huge amounts of time and effort trying to make good employees out of 'dead weight' employees. To keep yourself from getting caught in this loop, here are 4 signs of a bad employee who will probably never carry his or her own weight:
Aren't responsive to feedback: When you give them feedback about their behavior, even if you do it skillfully (calmly, behaviorally, privately) they get defensive or blame others, won't engage in dialogue about how to change, and don't make effort to do so. Sure, everyone reacts badly to feedback sometimes - but when an employee consistently deflects or resists feedback, and/or won't make required changes in behavior...that's dead weight.
Don't keep their agreements: They're inconsistent in doing what they’ve committed to do. I used to work with a guy who was great when he was great - but he was great only part of the time. His unpredictability in keeping agreements made it hard to rely on him, but it also made me hope (for much longer than I should have) that he was going to be consistently great at some point, because I knew he was capable of that level of work. Like somebody who just randomly goes dead weight on you...makes it really really hard if you're trying to accomplish something together.
Want you to 'grow' them: They seem to think you are primarily responsible for their success. They don't take independent action to learn and improve, and will come to your office regularly to ask when you're going to promote them, or what you're going to do to "help them succeed." These particular dead weight employees take unfair advantage of your good intentions; you want to develop your employees, so they say - in effect - "OK, develop me." All the heavy lifting is up to you - and it doesn't work.
Are bad company citizens: They seldom consider others’ needs and preferences when speaking and acting. Do their actions make others' lives difficult? Do they meet their needs at everyone else's expense? Do they make sure they get the lion's share of any credit and avoid all blame? Dead weight.
If an employee consistently demonstrates most or all of these I'm-not-going-to-do-my-part symptoms - it may be best to just let them keep laying on the floor and walk away. There are other employees who will do everything they can to help you lift them up as high as they can go.
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Check out Erika Andersen’s latest book, Leading So People Will Follow, and discover how to be a followable leader. Booklist called it “a book to read more than once and to consult many times.”
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